Running For Higher Ground…Time to Get Out of Dodge
Thanks to my good friend Ernesto, I’m being forced to come down from my perch high a top the LastRow and run for higher ground. Hey, what are good friends for anyway…Thanks for looking out there buddy. So needless to say my random sports rants, thoughts, and sometime idiotic sports views are being forced to shut down for a while and go on the I.R. list a couple of days early. Early? Yes, early…I was scheduled to shut it down on Thursday for a while (doctors orders), due in large part to gracing the College Gameday crew with my presence in Atlanta on Saturday…Helping out my compadres Fowler, Corso, & Herbstreet.

If anyone thinks this little tropical uproar is going to make me miss the first live taping of "Charlie and the Touchdown Factory" of 2006 in Atlanta is surely mistaking…Now that would be a natural disaster of great proportions! Why do I feel like Jim Cantore? Besides, it’s not everyday I get the opportunity to come off my throne in the LastRow & get a seat far closer to the action that will be taking place on Saturday night. I just hope a damn Yellow Jacket doesn’t sting my ass being so close…I’m highly allergic!

So in my absence, try to hold down the fort…For the Row is going to be closed down for a while! I know this might be a crushing blow to some, but I’m sure everyone will pull through somehow. Keep it real all you Bone Smugglers…The LastRow will reopen after all the damage from Ernesto has been calculated and turn into FEMA...Whenever this might be? Contact President Bush for more details on this one, but don't expect a quick response!

As the Cowboys Turns
For some reason this year’s edition of the Dallas Cowboys best resembles that of the prime time 80’s soup opera rather than a team preparing to kickoff their season in two weeks. How bout them Cowboys…I wonder what Jimmy Johnson feels about his former boss & the team that he helped to be so successful? Ever since the two J.J.’s have parted ways in the 90’s the Cowboys for the most part have just been an average football team. As we all know this doesn’t sit well with Jerry Jones. So bring in Bill Parcells to coach them up, and bring in a Terrell Owens to bring them down…Both have excellent resumes in doing their craft.
Number 81’s stint in Big "D" was supposed to be different. Owens vowed to be a better man and a better teammate in Dallas. While the fine is the most drastic, he already has done plenty to stand out. If anybody believes this I have some land in the Everglades I would like to sell…Taking an offers. Yes, I did say fine…Here’s a nice surprise, he’s rubbing people the wrong way already, shocker. Well, I guess it’s a bit of a surprise…Surprised that we haven’t even gotten out of the preseason with this already transpiring. Hey Big D, welcome to the live taping of T.O.’s Reality T.V. Show…Another Instant Classic, for that’s all he seems to make.

Terrell Owens has finally pushed the Dallas Cowboys too far…And we haven’t gotten to the regular season yet. Pushed, I thought this guy was hurt? Doesn’t pushing hurt the hammy? She-O has drawn a $9,500 fine for missing a team meeting and a rehabilitation session and being late to an offensive meeting. It’s one thing to be hurt, it’s another thing to put your dead ass above your teammates by not showing up to meetings. Isn’t that your job? I seem to have a bad memory, but what have you accomplished in this league to warrant all this circusness? If this doesn’t have team player writing all over it, what does Quite frankly, compared to your agent who always speaks for you, which best resembles your mouth piece he’s accomplished a whole hell of a lot more. "That's our club business. That's going to be accounted for," team owner Jerry Jones told the Dallas Morning News.

So how is this different Terrell? Oh, I guess by starting your shenanigans before getting to the regular season, that must’ve been what you meant? Jerry Jones seemed to downplay the drama surrounding Owens' injury by mentioning the fact that Steve Smith and Hines Ward also have been slowed by hamstring injuries without drawing the same scrutiny. Jerry, it’s time you faced the music pal…You ****** up. You didn’t want to listen to Parcells when he told you he didn’t want this year at the Mayo Clinic, but did you listen? Of course not...What does Tuna know anyway? Why is it you’re defending your boy anyway? After he lied to you, took your money (not that you can’t afford it) saying "things would be different". Now it’s one thing to be hurt like Smith & Ward, it’s one thing to miss 19 of 31 practices it’s another thing to turned his hamstring injury into an attention spectacular by flying his own specialists in to help him rehabilitate and wearing a cycling team outfit one day while pedaling a stationary bicycle. How does that bitch slap in the face feel Jerry? Isn’t he worth having in your corner? Did I mention I have some property in the Everglades you might want Jerry?

"I know this - when he's healthy, he's going to help us win these ballgames," Jones said. Oh yeah, how does Bill feel about that? Judging by your last two exhibition games, seems to me the receivers are doing just fine without him having gone 3-0…Not too shabby. Sure, I suppose your right, when "the player" gets back on the field things will certainly change, going from bad to worse. Well, that is if he gets on the field since Parcells said this week that he needs to see Owens on the field. So here’s what’s going to happen…She-O’s going to come bitching to you that Big Bad Tuna not play him, and of course he’s 100 percent. You’re going to go bitch to Bill you want "the player" out there, Bill’s going to say no & then he going to look like the bad guy, not Owens. Larry Hagman can play the Tuna, Patrick Duffy can play you Jerry…Although, I haven’t got a clue on whom can play Owens. I got an idea, I’ll just go back and re-look at the tape…You know there’s over 10 years of it. Maybe that will give me a better idea of whom can best play him? Looking forward for this soap-opera to continue to grow & blow up all over the country. To think Jerry, and you thought you were in the professional football business.

Every Guys Fantasy

Oh man, what a Saturday! I’ll tell you, I’ve never have had so many fantasies come true…Not even my cameo appearances at the Playboy Mansion can compare with the fantasies that came true for me on Saturday. Three in one day, that’s the kind of stuff legends are made of. Where’s the enhancement medicine? Speaking of legends, now I know what it's like to live in Mel Kiper’s world…It isn’t easy being Mel. Much respect to you!

So yes, I had three fantasy drafts on Saturday. I've got a major draft hang over. Looking at them on paper I feel pretty confident about my Eaton Beavers, and Pickle Pirate squad…However, in regard to my Tasty Twinkie lineup, I feel the verdict is still out on that one. So have a look, sound off…Tell me what you think? Since everybody here is a fantasy guru. You may even win a prize?

EATON BEAVERS – 10 Team League
(6) L. Jordan RB
(15) C. Johnson WR
(26) C. Chambers WR
(35) K. Jones RB
(46) D. Culppepper QB
(55) D. Driver WR
(66) K. Johnson WR
(75) J. Delhomme QB
(86) J. Lewis RB
(95) C. Dillion RB
(106) Tampa Bay DEF
(115) Mi. Vick QB
(126) H. Miller TE
(135) S. Graham K
(146) M. Brunell QB

PICKLE PIRATES – 6 Team League
(2) S Alexender - RB
(11) S. Jackson - RB
(14) L. Jordan - RB
(23) A. Boldin - WR
(26) R. Moss - WR
(35) M. Bulger - QB
(38) K. Warner - QB
(47) T. Gleen - WR
(50) T. Green - QB
(59) A. Johnson - WR
(62) D. Foster - RB
(71) D. Brees - QB
(74) D. Branch - WR
(83) S. Graham - K
(86) Baltimore - DEF

TASTY TWINKIES – 12 Team League
(6) Tiki Barber -RB
(19) Ronnie Brown – RB
(30) Anquan Boldin - WR
(43) Kurt Warner - QB
(54) Plaxico Burress - WR
(67) Alge Crumpler - TE (TE’s are needed in this league)
(78) Terry Glenn - WR
(91) Brett Favre – QB
(102) Thomas Jones – RB
(115) DST Redskins – DST
(126) DST Bengals - DST
(139) Kellen Winslow - TE
(150)Matt Stover – K
(163) T.J. Duckett - RB

College Football Road Trip
Can you smell what’s coming? The mixture of scents flowing through the air…Means only one thing. The lawnmowers are out in preparation maintaining patches of grass equaling 120 yards length, schools are beginning to get back in the swing of things with the return of students hoping to further enhance their knowledge with the institutions sucking all the financial life out of them. So much in fact their great grandkids will end up finishing paying off granddad’s college experience…So much for Gramps willing anything.

While there’s certain more college towns to visit than this in the coming fall…The following locations are definitely a must! Who cares if you love the teams below, or rather rake your fingers down a chalkboard, it’s not about the team, it’s about the entire weekend experience. So if you & the fellas want to take a road trip this fall, LastRowSports.com has come up with a couple of must stops. From the Northeast, to the Midwest, Southwest, & West, we got you covered. If you happen to get lost along the way, just pull into a friendly looking gas station & ask for directions to the nearest big-time university…Only this time it’s a good thing to ask for directions.

MIDWEST – South Bend, IN
Get as Close to Brady Quinn as Possible – This year’s edition of Matt Leinart, Brady is definitely going to be attracting every piece of ass in town…Although, lets see. Los Angeles women or the women of South Bend, that’s a tough call? Get on board this bandwagon now, since Brady has a girlfriend…There’s nothing wrong with accepting denied applications. Got to fill vacancies somehow right? However, BQ’s girlfriend is in a different area code, so I don’t know what kind of guidelines & rules apply here?

NORTHEAST – Buffalo, NY
Anywhere in Buffalo Will Do – Just judging by the Buffalo Bulls, (yes, that’s really what they’re called…I’m not gay enough to make that up) a goose egg in the win column for the home portion of their schedule the past two seasons…You know what this means. They’re bound to break this home losing streak sometime, which means the town is going to erupt. Is there anything thing better & more attractive than co-eds just looking for a good reasons to become intoxicated? Be on hand for this boys…Oh yeah, don’t forget the Beer Goggles, because when Buffalo Wins, You Win. Go Bulls!

SOUTHEAST – Tallahassee, FL
The Local Bar Dive Scene – This is the opposite of the Buffalo scene, but holds the same concept. For the past decade the Florida State Seminoles have been virtually unbeatable at home…This is a very good thing. Always ranked as one of the best party schools in the country with the combination of winning and better looking co-eds than Buffalo from a preeminent ground, before, during, & best of all after a Seminoles victory. Yes, in Tallahassee they seem to have a thing for spears…Don’t leave home and come to Tally without yours.

SOUTHWEST – College Station, TX
Grandstand’s at Kyle Field – One of the best traditions in all of college football happens here. Nowhere else can one watch a football game & get a free-pass to making out with a girl at the same time (well, hopefully it’s a girl, otherwise somebody has some explaining to do). The mass makeout session occurs every time the home town Aggies score…When they score so do you. Foreplay in the stadium as a football game is unfolding…If this is what heaven’s about, God all about I’m all in…Just not yet. GO AGGIES, KEEP ON SCORING!

WEST – Bosie, ID
Yes Boise! The planet Pluto of College Football…For this is the only place where one will find a blue playing surface. Just that alone…Everybody should at least experience this at least once in their lives. No need to add drinks on the one. Now, here’s the fun part, to make the blue turf turn green, simply add your favorite alcoholic beverage(s). Although at this time LastRowSports.com is unclear about the amount of beverage intake that is needed for this to occur. So just try it out yourself, and be the guinea pig…"Chicks Dig Guinea Pigs." Besides enduring the blue field, nowhere acrossed the country will one find better gray skies & corpse-white co-eds six weekends a season. Beauty at its finest…Just make sure you travel with buddy Jack, Jim, Sam, & Captain to potato land.

Others receiving votes: Any other school not mentioned in this list, because my fingers need to be put on three days rest. Just remember one thing peeps and this holds true for all schools around this great nation…WIN OR LOSE, EVERYBODY STILL WILL BOOZE! Boozing with co-eds before, during, and after the game…Well let’s just say there’s no greater pasttime than this fellas! What’s more gratifying than having twins showing up with COORS LIGHT in hand…Now this is certainly on the grounds of a new MAN LAW! Here’s to College Football! If one is ever in a college town looking for that 3 a.m. snack, well there’s only one place to go…Muffy’s Smorgasbord. A 24-hour, all you can eat buffet with all the trimmings. To find the closest Muffy’s Smorgasbord nearest to your favorite college town just simply dial 1-800-8-MUFFYS. Charges may apply in various instances & circumstances.

Gumbel Gets Emergency Surgery
Tongue made from buttocks
(AP) - As Polish man who had his tongue removed has had a new one made using tissue taken from his buttocks. Jarislav Ernst, 23, from Gliwice, now has a functioning tongue made from his backside after surgery at the Oncology Clinic in Gliwice's General Hospital.

Head doctor Stanislaw Poltorek said: "The new tongue is alive and well-supplied with blood, and the patient is doing well." Mr. Ernst's tongue was removed after it was diagnosed with cancer.

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After doing some investigating reporting LastRowSports.com has uncovered that Jarislav Ernst isn’t really who he says he is. Yes, it’s a stage name…Would the real Bryant Gumbel please stand up. Yes, that’s right…It appears Bryant Gumbel needed some emergency surgery after biting off more than he could chew on his HBO gig "Real Sports"….Nobody messes with TAGS! Now he’s giving a whole new meaning talking out both sides of ones ass, which consequently he was already quite the professional at already. Hard to talk without a tongue though…DAMN YOU Dr. Stanislaw Poltorek! Hey Bryant, I found the whip this time! You like apples? HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES!

The NFL Naming Game Part One…NFC Style

Since the Arizona Cardinals are kicking around the notion of naming their eighth wonder of the world Pink Taco Stadium, it got me thinking. Oh shit, look out…Me thinking, well that’s just not a good combo. Since this is the day of Corporate America & Sports, I wanted to examine all the other NFL venues in the league to see just what these companies are actually buying with these naming rights.

Washington Redskins – FedEx Field is the largest stadium in the league. Previously known as Jack Kent Cooke Stadium, the Washington Redskins played their first game in their new digs on September 14, 1997. When Daniel Snyder bought the Hogs in 1999, the naming rights were sold to Federal Express, and Jack Kent Cooke Stadium became Fedex Field. I hear Fedex has a couple big-time receivers as well?

New York Giants (or is it New Jersey?) - Named after the team, Giants Stadium opened on October 10, 1976. One of the very few to not sell the naming rights to Corporate America…I wonder if the Jets would sell out to Corporate America? Speaking of which, up until 1984 the Giants were the primary tenant at the stadium, when the New York Jets moved from Shea Stadium to the stadium.

Philadelphia Eagles - Lincoln Financial Field is a vast improvement over Veterans Stadium…The 66,000 seat stadium is known as "The Linc" to locals. In June 2002, Lincoln Financial Group, a financial services firm that has its headquarters in downtown Philadelphia, agreed to pay $139.6 million for the naming rights. Isn’t that so considerate…A Home Team helping out another Home Team…I love you Rocky! You know how many Philly Cheesesteaks one can buy with $139.6 mil?

Dallas Cowboys - Texas Stadium is home to over 65,000 blue seats with becoming one of the NFL's most unique stadiums upon opening. Never could decide whether the wanted a dome or an open air stadium? Did they run out of bonds to fully finish the roof? The Dallas Cowboys played their first game at Texas Stadium on October 24, 1971. Although the naming rights never wavered here, it’d be interesting to see whether the Cowboys new digs scheduled to open in 2008 will hand over naming rights?

Carolina Panthers – Bank of America Stadium, In January 2004, the Panthers and Bank of America agreed on a 20 year deal to rename Ericsson Stadium, Bank of America Stadium…Boy those were great cell phones. Bank of America Stadium consists of over 73,000 blue and silver seats in three tiers that circle the playing field. I guess this was a nice little upgrade considering the Panthers had to play their inaugural season at Memorial Stadium, home of the Clemson Tigers.

Atlanta Falcons - Home of the Atlanta Falcons since 1992, the Georgia Dome is the worlds largest cable supported stadium. Over 70,000 fans filled the Georgia Dome to see the Falcons play, well now they do…Before Michael Vick arrived, did 70,000 Falcon fans exist? This venue is a multi-purpose center. The Georgia Dome has hosted Super Bowls XXXIV and XXVIII, Bowl Games, Final Four’s, Olympic Events. Yes, the "Home Deport" dome does it all.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Opening day at the state of the art Raymond James Stadium was on September 20, 1998. Over 65,000 Buccaneers fans filled the stadium, yeah thanks to Tony Dungy. Buccaneer Cove, is modeled after a 19th century Pirate village. Buccaneer Cove's main attraction is a 103 foot long replica Pirate ship. Can we get an RRRRRRRR from Jon Gruden? When the Bucs score a touchdown, eight cannons fire to celebrate the moment. Like fans don’t know they scored, or maybe this is to notify the entire city of T-Town?

New Orleans Saints - The dome stadium was named the Louisiana Superdome, because of its massive size. Unfortunately, the structure which looks like a massive spaceship was no match for Hurricane Katrina, leaving the Saints homeless last year. The Saints opened the Superdome on September 28, 1975. Almost 70,000 multi-colored seats in three tiers circle the entire field. Soon, the Saints will reopen their venue again…Just please can we please do something about those multi-colored seats!

Detroit Lions - Appropriate enough, Ford Motor Company purchased the naming rights to the stadium, thus it was named Ford Field…Couldn’t have it any other way. It has 65,000 seats…Noticed I said "it has". It’s highly unlikely the seats have ever been filled at one time for a Lions game…For refunds, send requests to Matt Millien. If it wasn’t for Super Bowl XL, reports have it some of the seats had never been sat in before. This is dating back to the first game at Ford Field that was on September 22, 2002 vs. the Green Bay Packers.

Green Bay Packers - One of the NFL's most historic stadiums, Lambeau Field. It has been home to the Packers since September 29, 1957, what then was called City Stadium…Who knew Corporate America was alive and well back then? In 1965, City Stadium was renamed Lambeau Field, after the death of the Packers founder, E.L. Lambeau. Now almost 50 years later & more plastic surgeries that would make Michaal Jackson jealous, this historic venue has a capacity of over 60,000.

Minnesota Vikings - The Vikings inaugural first game at the Metrodome was on September 12, 1982 at the H.H.H. Metrodome, named after former Vice President, Hubert H. Humphrey. This is one on the last few remaining venues which hasn’t sold out to Corporate America for naming rights and also still shares a home with a MLB team…I didn’t know they still made you? With over 64,000 seats to watch a Vikings game, one doesn’t have to worry about any frost bite when watching the Vikes in December, unlike the old Metropolitan Stadium…Although getting from the car into the toasty Triple H Dome, well dress appropriately.

Chicago Bears - The original Soldier Field opened in 1924…Today the new Soldier Field is best known as "The Eyesore on Lakeshore" for obvious reasons. With not wanting to mess with tradition, the team wanted the NFL's oldest stadium to still be home, while playing games on Mars in their new spaceship completed in 2003. Bears new stadium continues to carry the name Soldier Field II while having 66,000 seats

St. Louis Rams - Home of the St. Louis Rams since 1995, the Edward Jones Dome is a massive facility. The St. Louis Rams first game at the Edward Jones Dome was on November 12, 1995…This was an considerable upgrade after playing a handful of games over at the old Busch Stadium waiting for completion during the 1995 season. With over 65,000 seats, the first Rams game was played at this venue November 12, 1995. While only going into its 11th year of existence the stadium has changed names several times, from the TWA Dome to the Dome at America's Center, to its present day name, the Edward Jones Dome. Edward Jones purchased the naming rights in January 2002 for $2.65 million a year. Would people make up their minds…GOSH, get it right!

San Francisco 49ers – This dump, originally built for the San Francisco Giants (MLB), Monster Park has been the home of the 49ers since 1971. Yeah, the Giants were the smart ones here. Originally dubbed Candlestick Park after its location of being built, Candlestick Park has been renamed Monster Park after Monster Cable Products Inc. purchased the naming rights for four years. Once again THANK YOU CORPORATE AMERICA. Although why would anybody want to buy the HELL HOLE? Get this though, this coming after the fact that in 1995, Candlestick Park was renamed 3 Com Park after 3 Com Corp. bought the naming rights. I’m just guessing the business venture didn’t work out too well. Maybe somebody should throw their money away by renaming Alcatraz? Oh yeah, this HELL HOLE holds only 59,000 too, but the team hopes to move into a new stadium in the future…Wonder Why?

Seattle Seahawks - The Seattle Seahawks moved into their own stadium in the summer of 2002 after spending more than two decades at the Kingdome. The Seahawks wanted a new facility for themselves along with the Mariners…Well, how greedy of them. The Seahawks christened their new state of the art facility on September 15, 2002. The stadium is configured in a horseshoe shape, with three tiers of 68,000 seats. Qwest Field is home to the renowned 12th Man…Or wait, is that Texas A&M? Supposedly, fans attending games at Qwest Field have some of the best views than at any other stadium in the NFL? I don’t know I’m not the depressed to travel to Seattle & find out. In June 2004, Qwest Communications International Inc. purchased the naming rights to the stadium, thus the stadium is known as Qwest Field.

The NFL Naming Game Part Two…AFC Style

Miami Dolphins – Believe it or not Dolphins Stadium ranks as the 12th oldest stadium in the NFL. However this is still a considerable upgrade from the slums of the Orange Bowl. So what else was Dolphins owner Joe Robbie to do but decide to build a stadium himself. Wonder if LastRowSports.com will ever find it self in that position? The stadium was originally named after Joe Robbie…How thoughtful. The Miami Dolphins played their first game at Joe Robbie Stadium on August 16, 1987. In 1996, Joe Robbie Stadium was renamed Pro Player Stadium, after the company bought the naming rights to the stadium…Of course they did, why wouldn’t they? Wayne Huizenga announced that Pro Player Stadium would be renamed Dolphin Stadium, Huh. Nobody showed you the money? Furthermore it was announced that the stadium would be renovated and enlarged. In case anybody, this place seats 75,000…It’s not like the Dolphins ever fill it though.

New England Patroits – One of the newest stadiums in the league, the Pats have enjoyed great success in their new digs. As the story goes, the Patriots needed a new stadium because Foxboro Stadium had fewer amenities and seats than newer stadiums opening at that time…BOO HOO. Like many other NFL teams, the Patriots sold the naming rights to the stadium….SHOCKER. Originally, CMGI Investments purchased the naming rights. However, the Gillette Company bought the naming rights to the stadium after CMGI Investments faced financial failures. Gillette Stadium which holds 68,000 knuckleheads opened on September 9, 2002. Not to be out done by Raymond James Pirate Ship, Gillette bringing a New England feel to the game is a lighthouse motif and a bridge…Doesn’t a Pirate Ship & Lighthouses go together somehow?

Buffalo Bills - Home of the Buffalo Bills for nearly thirty years, Ralph Wilson Stadium has undergone many changes over the years…What’d ya know, so has its 80-plus-year old owner. From the days of War Memorial Stadium was a small stadium consisting of approximately 30,000 seats, to now the stadium's capacity is 80,290. However, after all these changes that this venue has under gone, there’s still a couple things missing: A made Scott Norwood 48-yard field goal, Nobody has yet found Thurman Thomas’s helmet, still trying to figure out where the Houston Oilers went during halftime…They just vanished, and a FREAKING SUPER BOWL RING!

New York Jets – Still trying to locate their stadium…Shouldn’t it be called Jets Stadium, or maybe HESS Gas Station? I’ll find it sooner or later!

Jacksonville Jaguars – Originally dubbed Jacksonville Municipal Stadium, the Jags played their first game at the stadium on August 18, 1995. The stadium consists of over 70,000 blue seats, which is an considerable upgrade from the old Gator Bowl. Instead of renovating the Gator Bowl, the city decided to demolish 90 percent of the stadium and construct a new one on the same site. Nothing better than blowing up a stadium. A Super Bowl in the Gator Bowl…Bad Idea! Or was it Alltel Stadium? In 1997, Alltel Communications purchased the naming rights to the stadium, thus getting its present day name. Without a doubt, this is the only thing worth visiting in J-Ville, and even this could be questioned? Instead of blowing up the Gator Bowl, might want to consider blowing up J-Ville.

Indianapolis Colts - Originally named the Hoosier Dome, grand opening ceremonies took place on May 3, 1984. The Indianapolis Colts first game at the Dome was on September 2, 1984…Peyton was still in diapers & Eli was still swimming around in Archie. In 1994, RCA bought the naming rights to the stadium, thus it was renamed the RCA Dome. Do they even make RCA shit anymore that’s worth a hoot? This lovely facility houses two tiers of 60,000 screaming fans, as it’s tagged one of the loudest venues in the league. From football to Final Fours, from concerts, large banquets, to religious assemblies, the RCA Dome is home to all of that. However, in 2008 we’ll have to say goodbye to RCA for good…Lucas Oil Stadium is scheduled to open. Get a Lube Job while watching football…This is the place to be! Pink Tacos where you at...Who's Your Daddy?

Houston Texans - Reliant Stadium was the first of its kind in the NFL, with a retractable roof. In October 2000, Reliant Energy purchased the naming rights…Why would they? Thus the facility was named Reliant Stadium. The Houston Texans played their first regular season game at Reliant Stadium on September 8, 2002 against the Dallas Cowboys in front of a soldout 69,000…The good ole days of sell out crowds. I’m sure Mario Williams will put fannies back in the seats. Here’s something funny, Reliant Stadium has many amenities including over 7,000 club seats, 166 luxury suites, club lounges and bars, and a Texans team store. Besides the Super Bowl, has any of these things been used?

Tennessee Titans - On September 12, 1999, the Tennessee Titans moved into their new stadium. Originally dubbed Adelphia Coliseum after Adelphia Communications paid $30 million for the naming rights for 15 years. 15 Years, so why after only three prior to the start of the 2002 NFL season, the naming rights were dropped and the stadium was known as The Coliseum for four season. Somebody got a raw deal I’ll say. Just as we were getting used to callin this just The Coliseum, leave it to old Louisiana-Pacific Corporation to throw a wrench into things. Beginning this season, the former "The Coliseum" will go by LP Field. That’s what one can expect to buy with $3 million/year for 10 years. Man, this structure changes names more than I change my underwear.

Cleveland Browns - Construction was completed in time for the home opener on September 12, 1999 for Cleveland fans to welcome back their browns. The stadium was named Cleveland Browns Stadium…And surprisingly seven years later hasn’t soldout to Corporate America. Over 73,200 orange seats are located throughout the stadium. It’s the only stadium where one can find dodging Milkbones isn’t any easy task from a section of 10,000 bleacher seats, known as the "Dawg Pound". Bone bones aren’t the only things that one may have to dodge…The occasional beer bottle or few hundreds may rain down as well.

Pittsburgh Steelers - The Steelers made their debut at Heinz Field on October 7, 2001 in front of a capacity crowd of 64,450. One of the superior NFL stadiums, Heinz Field has many amenities including several entertainment areas, team stores, restaurants, and a Steelers Hall of Fame. In addition, fans attending games at Heinz Field receive excellent views of the downtown Pittsburgh skyline…For the games Tommy Maddoxd use to play in.. Hey got to make the customers happy somehow, right?

Baltimore Ravens – Here we go again, changing names more times thanI do my underwear. PSINet Inc., originally purchased the naming rights to the stadium, thus getting the name PSINet Stadium. However, after the 2001 season, the PSINet name was dropped and the stadium was renamed Ravens Stadium. In May 2003, M&T Bank purchased the naming rights for $5 million annually over 15 years. What was wrong with Ravens Stadium…I mean it’s where the Raven s play correct? The Ravens inaugural first game at their stadium was on September 6, 1998. Over 69,000 purple and silver seats are located throughout the stadium.

Cincinnati Bengals - Paul Brown Stadium has become one of the best stadiums in the NFL. Holy Shit… Unlike many other teams in the NFL, the Bengals decided not to sell the naming rights to the stadium. Instead they decided to honor their founder, Paul Brown, and name the stadium, Paul Brown Stadium. There’s a concept…Pretty soon they better get a "JAIL BIRD" section, it’s going to fill up pretty quickly. The Bengals inaugural first game at Paul Brown Stadium was on September 10, 2000. Although the Bengals must again be complemented for using over 65,000 green seats that are located throughout stadium…Giving it a jungle look, or at least trying for it.

Kansas City Chiefs - The Kansas City Chiefs played their first game at Arrowhead Stadium on August 12, 1972 against the St. Louis Cardinals. Arrowhead Stadium continues to sell out every game since its birth. Known around the league as one of the NFL’s loudest stadiums, Arrowhead is a considerable home field advantage yearly with housing over 70,000 red and gold diehards. Since its opening, Arrowhead Stadium has underwent numerous improvements…While that’s always the case in making any improvements, one thing that has remained constant in the word Arrowhead attached to this structure. More surprisingly might be, today, after over three decades of existence, Arrowhead Stadium remains one of the finest stadiums in the NFL….Although, they’re pushing for a new one too.

Oakland Raiders –Previously know as the Oakland Coliseum, the Oakland Raiders played their first game at the Oakland Coliseum on September 18, 1966. Once leaving for Los Angeles, the city began of Oakland began trying to get the team to come back to the Oakland Coliseum. As part of an agreement, the Raiders decided to move back to the Oakland Coliseum…Looks like Al Davis likes his things kept up & in tip top shape. The Raiders moved back into the coliseum for the 1996 season. In 1998, the Oakland Coliseum was renamed Network Associates Coliseum, but six years later had another name change coming after the 2004 season & is currently going with its current name of McAfee Coliseum. I thought McAfee was a virus checker? Seems as if the Raiders have a ton of viruses in Oak-Town?

Denver Broncos - In the mid 1990’s, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen wanted a new stadium built for the team. Guess what Pat wants, Pat gets? The Denver Broncos first game at Invesco Field at Mile High was on September 10, 2001. Over 76,000 seats are located throughout the stadium and is still known as the original Corporate Sponsor Invesco.

San Diego Chargers – Check it out, it’s "The Murph" … The Chargers played the first game ever at the stadium on August 20, 1967. San Diego Stadium had a capacity of around 50,000 multicolored seats when it opened. After the death of Jack Murphy in 1981, San Diego Stadium was renamed in honor of him. Why does everybody have to be dead to get shit named after them…Dead people can’t enjoy it. Nearly 11,000 seats were added in readiness for the Super Bowl in 1998, bringing the capacity to over 71,000. Never fear though, in 1997 forget continuing to pay respects to Jack Murphy, the stadium was renamed to Qualcomm Stadium after Qualcomm Corporation paid $18 million for the naming rights. One thing that is nice not to see…Remember all those multicolored seats, thank God they have been replaced with new blue seats.

Gumbel Gets TAGGED for His Remarks
Damn, I hate it when I misplace my shoehorn! I’ve looked all over the place and can’t seem to find it. Now I’m going to be late for my date at the local strip club down the street with my favorites of all favorites, the lovely Candy. Doupt! I just remembered, Bryant Gumbel needed to borrow it…I believe as I sit here and type this he still might be trying to get both feet out of his cake hole? Oh well, who needs shoes anyway? Candy’s just going to knock my socks off…One less thing for her to do.

If there’s one thing ever not to do, it’s to call out Paul Tagliabue and expect to get away with it. I don’t care if he’s the out going commish or not…There’s just some shit you have to let slide. Now if it was directed at Gary Bettman…Whole different story, but don’t mess with Tags. Gumbel, HBO's "Real Sports", addressed his final thoughts to in coming Commish Roger Goodell last Thursday…."Before he cleans out his office," Gumbel said. "Have Paul Tagliabue show you where he keeps Gene Upshaw's leash. By making the docile head of the players union his personal pet, your predecessor has kept the peace without giving players the kind of guarantees other pros take for granted. Try to make sure no one competent ever replaces Upshaw on your watch." Young man, you better watch it. You mess with the bull, you’ll get the horns. Needless to say Tags didn’t find these comments very amusing. Um Mr. Gum Gum, for someone who’s supposed to be so smart, you’re a complete dumbass. Sure, we’ve got the right to free speech in this country, but trying to resurrect your career...Well, let’s just say you didn’t help your cause. Guess you don’t listen to Kenny Rodgers? The whole thing was "Know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away", yeah, that, that would apply here. Look like the dealing might be done in your case? But, you’re the gambling type, right?
The job status of Bryant Gumbel on the NFL's in-house network, scheduled to be the play-by-play broadcaster on the eight late-season games could be the subject of a discussion by NFL officials after Gumbel's suggestion that Paul Tagliabue show his successor "where he keeps Gene Upshaw's leash." Gee, I don’t know why? Another brilliant career move BG. Although you as a play-by-play broadcaster…Was this the best they could do? I’m assuming brother Greg was to busy to sign on with them? "When I was hired, no restrictions had been put on his ability to comment on what he sees on the field." While this maybe true, you’ve proven yet again to all…Anybody who’s ass book smart is a complete dumbass when it comes to the common sense department. I may not know who shot 2 Pac, but I certainly know who shot Biggie.
"It's a lot like covering any story," Gumbel said. "You see what is in front of you and you report on it." Well hey Bryant, you know what I saw for two years in front of me going to school with your son Bradley. I saw a kid who was lost, who had no direction…Sure he had a father everybody knew, but one thing was missing. He didn’t know you. Sure you were on campus, at big functions, why? Face it man, you love to hear your name being mentioned for all to hear…The more the better. Yeah, some father figure when your own son knows you as well as everybody does, but I guess you like it that way? I’m sure you cut him checks, but life isn’t about spotlights & checks. Hey, "You see what is in front of you and you report on it." Isn’t that what makes good journalist? Journalism at its finest. Thanks for the tip BG…Say hi to Bradley for me…That is if you ever see him? And about that supposed NFL Network gig, appears your big name finally cooked your goose…I hope you get what’s coming to you!

Bledsoe Makes King Look Silly

Thanks to our good friend Peter King, for turning Cowboys camp into an ever popular Yogi & Boo Boo episode…As if the circus wasn’t enough. You remember the one entitled the "QB Controversy"…That was my favorite episode growing up he would like us to believe there’s a quarterback controversy in Dallas. The one where Bill Parcells stars as the Ranger, Yogi is played by Drew Bledsoe & Tony Romo as Boo Boo. According to King last week, the Cowboys have a quarterback controversy brewing in the Dallas/ Fort Worth metro area. I guess he also believes that Terrell Owens is actually hurt, like he says he is? Whatever the case may be, King told us this after the first preseason game the Cowboys had. Hello Peter, of course Tony Romo play looked better than Drew Bledsoe’s…The only thing Drew was playing with up in Seattle was a clipboard & a headset…Word has it, Drew couldn’t even find his helmet. Besides dealing with the endless questions regarding "the player", Bill Parcells has to answer silly question about who’s his starting signal caller. Bill sends his thanks to you Pete for turning his camp into Camp Jellystone.

I can just see & hear it now, the combination Romo to Owens, or Boo Boo Bear to "the player…Man, this is going to be along the same lines as the Aikman to Irvin comb. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Be on the lookout for this coming to a stadium near you in the near future. Now I’m not saying eventually Tony Romo won’t take over at some point…For I’m not on Peter King’s level, but I do know, as like most do, Bledsoe will be the opening day starter. Apparently Peter King doesn’t know this. Now I’m sure if we ask Peter he would tell us that he was misunderstood…Aren’t we all. One thing that’s hard to misunderstand is 12-of-16 for 156 yards, leading Dallas to scores on three of four drives. Great numbers once again put up by Tony Romo against the Saints last night. Only there’s a problem, that’s the statline of one Drew Bledsoe.

Okay, so it came against the Saints…I’ll give up that. Although the throws in which Drew displayed last night was nothing short of a crafty veteran doing what we’ve all come to expect from him. One thing that remains a question mark is his mobility, and yes Romo can run around like a chicken with his head cut off, but then again so can Michael Vick. Which ironically & amazingly is still trying to learn how to be a starting quarterback is the league. The only way Drew’s going to relinquish his starting gig is due to some sort of injury…Which is very possible once again to the lack of mobility he has or O-Line problems. Incidentally what happened to Drew Henson…Why isn’t he involved in this here? Drew who? You know the one that was a can’t miss prodigy…Dallas’s quarterback of the future. The one that was a stand out at Michigan before thinking he could play third base for the New York Yankees. What ever happened to that plan? And, oh, by the way Drew, don’t feel bad, A-Rod can’t play third base either…It’s not just you. Well the San Diego Chargers had a similar plan involving Ryan Leaf, and again that back fired, but don’t worry, again you’re in good company. With your credentials you can at least start looking forward to being the quarterback coach of East Texas A&M.

Yeah, can’t we all just see Parcells entering week one with somebody that has never started an NFL game before? If it’s Super Bowl or Bust…Here’s some inside information. It’s going to be a bust. Drew gives them a better shot at this…Will they be on South Beach in February, most likely not, but Drew gives them a better opportunity to accomplish this. Come on Peter, after covering the league & Tuna for as long as you have did you or do you still believe this is going to take place? Tony Romo, Dallas Cowboys starting quarterback…This headline is to soon. Bledsoe feels secure that he's the starter, as well he should. Although he acknowledged that having to wait to get on the field "pushes you a little bit." … It gets you going," he said. "But I can't tell you I would have done anything different in camp had I been the only quarterback." Bledsoe feels secure that he's the starter, although he acknowledged that having to wait to get on the field "pushes you a little bit." … It gets you going," he said. "But I can't tell you I would have done anything different in camp had I been the only quarterback." Um Drew, another thing that you might want to look out for this year is number 81…He seems to have the God gifted ability to make his quarterback’s feel not so secure. Perhaps Tony Romo might be better suited to feel the wrath…Isn’t that right Peter? Can’t we just all picure T.O. chewing up & spitting out T. R. Yes, the Cowboys seem to have a nice luxury at quarterback …However, there’s a big difference between luxury & controversy. This would consist of a luxury. Now the circus with T.O., that’s a different story. You see the difference, Petey? Guess you missed this Yogi & Boo Boo episode…There’s a reason why Boo Boo always followsYogi around. Do yourself a favor Pete, start watching the Cartoon Network. Who knows, you may possibly learn something?
Is there some fire to this story…Yeah probably, every quarterback gets replaced. If Joe Montana is replaceable, everybody is…It’s life in the NFL. However there’s a lot of hot air coming out of Mr. King’s pie hole. Amazingly enough that it almost resembles that of T.O.’s yap…But, your not on Bryant Gumbel level yet…Luckily for you So good to hear since he’s going to be back involved with the NFL. Or at least that was his plan…Then the NFL Network might have a different one now? Good Call Peter…Perhaps, you may want to audible out of this one, or at least check down to number 11? Just remember what they say in Jellystone…Only you can prevent forest fires, Pete.

Who’s the 2006 Dark Horse?

Every possible college football poll has come out, the number system is in place. Now all we need is for these games to be played over the next coming months to figure out who will be crowned National Championship…Or do computers pick the National Champs? At any rate, this is the time of year when every team in the country is on the same level…From the Buckeyes in Columbus to the Owls in Boca Raton, everybody believes they’ll be the best team in the nation at seasons end.

In the reality scheme of things only the Top 25 teams who are ranked in both the AP & Coaches Polls have a realistic chance of becoming the best team in college football…If that? Whether this is fair or unfair, this is life, and life is usually unfair. So deal with it peeps, cause it’s the facts Jack. In looking past the Top 10 in both polls, what could be some dark horses this year that which are currently flying under the radar, has a legitimate shot to capture that oh, so precious Waterford Crystal Football?

At least on paper, these following respective schools pose many of the right ingredients…A experienced quarterback, experienc on both sides of the ball, big time players stepping up in big time games, a schedule the caters to the needs of the team, just like any better half word do. Throw all these ingredients in a stadium, mix them up & BAMM!, a national championship is now realistic. Discounting the Top 10, because lets faced it, there's a reason why they are voted there. So discounting Ohio State, Texas, Notre Dame, USC, West Virginia, etc., some teams who we may find flying under the radar here in 2006 could be the likes of Oregon (with their fugly uniforms), Alabama, Virginia Tech) and some are currently so far off the radar they can't even be seen...No, not even from Pluto, but once they make the journey back they are Wisconsin, Texas Tech. Are these the best teams in the country, most likely not, but isn't that what picking a dark horse is all about. Let's be real here, everybody ranked in the Top 25 has a realistic change to have an unblemised record going 13-0. The likelyhood of this happening is very silm and could just as easily floundering around the .500 due to several issues which will arise during this four month journey to Glandale.

Now it’s time for me to show what kind of ONIONS I’ve got by stepping out on a limb and picking a dark horse with a realistic chance of kissing the little cute crystal football at years end. This is very difficult for me to say being a diehard Notre Dame Golden Domer, but I must go with the whore…Ann Arbor. You dirty little girl. Yes, don’t be surprised to see Michigan challenge this season.
Michigan, which is returning a veteran signal caller Chad Henne and a healthly top running back (healthy being the key word here folks) Mike Hart. Let's not forget, isn't it about time for Steve Breaston to have a breakout year (if he can learn how to get over the Jeremy Stevens syndrome afraid of catching the flying pigskin a little better)? If they can get by the Irish, the sky’s the limit for Lloyd’s boys with the last hurdle coming at the Horseshoe in Columbus. Hail to the Victors? By no means am I saying the Maze & Blue are going to win the National Championship…All I’m look for these guys to make some noise during the year because as of now they’re a mute.

So you’ve heard my off the wall prediction…Now, what’s your’s. Some might think my scuttlebutt is preposterous, but hey, I haven’t seen anybody else predict a dark horse to possibly win the ADT Trophy…So now find your own horse, I got mine. Just too bad I don’t know how far this horse will take me? But hey what do I know…I’m just a ticket holder who sits in the LastRow. For that we thank CNNSI.com

A Giant of a Little Leaguer
Anybody who stands an imposing 6-feet-8 and weighs 256 pounds one would figure it’s a pretty safe bet this individual would be involved in athletics in some capacity. Meet Aaron Durley. Who? Aaron Durley…Apparently this isn’t a household name yet. Yes, this is the same Durley who’s the 13-year-old first baseman for Dhahran, Saudi Arabia in this year’s Little League World Series. My Flintstones vitamins didn’t give me the body of Barry Bonds. Aaron, man, what’s your secret?

So we have a 13-year old who mirrors the size of one Daunte Culpepper competing on the same field as a 4-foot-7 second basemen. First of all is this safe? Hell No. Secondly, is this legit? Let me say this, if Danny Almonte was found to be older than he actually was, this is as clear as Tiger Woods being the greatest golfer. A mini-Shaq swings a baseball bat doing his best "Big Papi" impression as Aaron tags a fastball to the Pocconos at the tender age of 13 is unlikely…I don’t care what kind of bat he uses. "I was standing next to him and I was up to his elbows," Scott Kingery, a 12-year-old, 4-foot-9 Phoenix shortstop, said after meeting Durley. It’s a wonder why the people at Williamsport wanted the fences moved back for this year.

Okay, lets just say Aaron is really indeed 13, considering he played at the series last year, too… Then he was a mere 6-foot-4 how safe is this? See, as it became apparent in the Danny Almonte saga, anybody can lie about their age. Kids, Parents, & Coaches are all in cahoots when it comes to having a particular kid play when they know it’s against the rules. Now I’m not saying it isn’t possible to have a 13-year old standing 6-feet-8 and weigh 256 pounds because everybody’s different and develops at different rates, but the likelihood of this, well it’s on the same level as Barry Bonds never taking anything.

Aaron Durley towers over the competition at the Little League World Series... Since everybody’s different and develops at different rates, it might be time for Little League officials to re-evaluate the criteria for how youngsters can participate, sort of like boxing does…Go by their weight. They scales never lie, unlike parents & coaches. It’s a damn shame cheating stoops down to this level. It’s no secret what’s his job on the team is to do…"I'm more confident this year, ready to do what I need to do," Durley said after a practice. "Hit the ball out." So what kind of strike zone does he get…Is it the same as Scott Kingery’s? Can the ump even see the plate through this eclipse to call balls & strikes?

Look out Pittsburgh…I think an asteroid might be coming your way…Big Ben, you might want to put your helmet on buddy. I’m just waiting for Aaron to hold a press conference to come out and say,"I never took Flintstones vitamins, PERIOD!" Perhaps not, but it definitely appears as if somebody has been lacing Aaron’s pancakes, French toast & waffles with HGH. Might what to check the Frosted Flakes too…For he’s bigger than Tony the Tiger!

Stuffing the Ballot Box

AP POLL COACHES POLL
1. Ohio State (35) 10-2 1. Ohio State (28) 10-2
2. Notre Dame (10) 9-3 2. Texas (11) 13-0
3. Texas (8) 13-0 3. (tie) Notre Dame 9-3
4. Auburn (3) 9-3 3. (tie) USC (1) 12-1
5. West Virginia (6) 11-1 5. Oklahoma (13) 8-4
6. Southern Cal (3) 12-1 6. Auburn (1) 9-3
7. Florida 9-3 7. West Virginia 11-1
8. LSU 11-2 8. Florida 9-3
9. California 8-4 9. LSU 11-2
10. Oklahoma 8-4 10. Florida State 8-5
11. Florida State 8-5 11. Miami 9-3
12. Miami 9-3 12. California 8-4
13. Louisville 9-3 13. Louisville 9-3
14. Michigan 7-5 14. Georgia 10-3
15. Georgia 10-3 15. Michigan 7-5
16. Iowa 7-5 16. Virginia Tech 11-2
17. Virginia Tech 11-2 17. Iowa 7-5
18. Clemson 8-4 18. Clemson 8-4
19. Penn State 11-1 19. Penn State 11-1
20. Nebraska 8-4 20. Oregon 10-2
21. Oregon 10-2 21. TCU 11-1
22. TCU 11-1 22. Nebraska 8-4
23. Tennessee 5-6 23. Tennessee 5-6
24. Arizona State 7-5 24. Alabama 10-2
25. Texas Tech 9-3 25. Texas Tech 9-3

Well it’s official peeps, with the releasing of the Associated Press Top 25 poll this past Friday, college football is in season. Who needs games to be played, these beauties along with a few more of their sexy, hot friends to come along in the future will decide the National Championship in about five months from now. I wonder what’s the criteria they’re looking for? Best Dressed, Best Logos, Best Stadiums, What? Better yet, what goes into making a "Preseason Poll" when no games have been played. Oh, I get it…This is like a Draft. Everybody is selected by potential…Yeah that’s fair. Potential huh? Tennessee must have a whole shit house full of it then, right? But honestly, how much does a 5-6 team from a year ago have…Enough to be ranked 23 respectively? Yeah, and Oklahoma is going to win the National Championship.

Before Rhett Bomar went and filled out his time sheet wrong, Boomer Sooner were set to make a title run. Now in the AP poll they’re in the 10 spot instead of fifth…Although the coaches poll was set in stone before Bonehead’s piss poor math skills were on display. Even sitting at tenth, OU is definitely within shouting distance to make a run…Only one problem, they have three starting quarterbacks. When a team has three, that’s always the kiss of death.
It’s amazing, one would tend to think that coaches know how to count? After all, they deal with a plethora of numbers on any given day. Why is it then before any game has been played there’s two teams tied for the number three position? That just goes to show you what kind of joke preseason polls are…Do both really look that good on paper? They must? So these teams are tied at three in the Coaches number system, but are two & six respectively in the AP number system. A four spot discrepancy…Actually, one of the biggest differentials between the two. Though, not like it matters, or does it?

Getting back to Tennessee…Number 23 in the country coming off the worst season in Coach Phil’s tenure. Only four spots ahead of Joe Pa’s crew…A team that went 11-1? Are my blind eyes seeing this correctly? Nobody can say preseason polls don’t matter…True, to us humans, we don’t give a shit about them, but to the computers (which we love so very much), every poll throughout the season holds some value to it. It’s clear to me & everybody else that Tennessee isn’t deserving of their preseason ranking. Only got it because of their long standing football tradition & being the beneficiary of playing in a power conference like the SEC. I love politics…Don’t you? Giving that conference five or six teams in the top 25. (Depending on what poll is your favorite)

On the other end of the spectrum, we have little guy in Texas Christian, a team who was 11-1 a year ago, getting love, but more like a bitch slap in the face by being ranked 21 & 22 respectively. Now what do I know about TCU…Well, they play in Forth Worth, LT went to school there, they are named the Horned Frogs, beyond that, nothing. Let’s just say for arguing sake these Frogs run the table. They’ll crack the Top 10…Top 5, most likely not? Will they go to a BCS Bowl? Highly debatable. The best record in the country, I’ll say yeah…Who’s more likely than not to play in the Liberty Bowl for accomplishing this feat.

These preseason polls are very comparable to that of all the Ms. Betty Buttaface’s we all go looking for at 3 o’clock in the morning, struggling to see through our beer glasses whether she’s a blonde or brunette. Not like it really matters or course. For these polls give us cheap satisfaction in a way Ms. Betty does on a weekly basis. Letting us brag to on boys on a weekly basis, explaining how we reached the "paydirt" & notched another "W" in the win column. Only trouble here is Buttaface is only she only temporary, not permanent. For that it’s a process involving computers. Hey, maybe this is the entire concept behind Internet dating?

So in comparing these two preseason side rules, what stands out to you? Likes, Dislikes? Blondes or Brunettes? Which one holds more value to you? Or should they be blown up like the Bartman Ball in Chicago? Go Sox!! For the record, I prefer Blonde Buttafaces

Witnessing Greatest at its Finest

This just in to the LastRowSports.com news desk…Tiger Woods can play golf. Not just any golf I might add. He has an unmatchable ability to take his game to the next level in the biggest golf tournaments…The Four Majors. Was there any doubt today who was going to win the 88th PGA Championship? Well, if there was I guess some people still think the Red Sox are still going to make the playoffs. The question of the day was not if he would win, but by how many strokes would the margin of victory be and who would place second?

It’s hard to not wonder the "What If" question. What if Phil Mickelson wouldn’t have choked at Winged Foot on the 18th tee? Two individuals would hold two of golfs four majors…Thus catapulting this rivalry or so-called rivalry to epic proportions. What might have been? Now the questions we’re asking, "Will Phil ever recover", "Has Phil reached his peak?". For Tiger, it’s quite simply, the question isn’t anymore, "Will he surpass Jack’s record for majors?", it’s now quite simply "When?". It’s not anymore how does Tiger compare to Jack?", but now "How does Jack stack up to Tiger?"

The drive that Tiger brings to the golf course every time he tees it up is unparallel to anybody in sports. The last time we saw this drive to be the best was on the basketball court in Chicago sporting the number 23. Isn’t ironic that when TW reasserts in golf, it comes in MJ’s city? As Woods stepped on the first tee this afternoon, we as well as Woods, knew the tournament was his…All he had to do is go out there and perform. Just the presence of TW makes so many competitors buckle & give in…Just as Michael did for so many years over on Madison Street. Both of these "rare" individuals never, ever leave anything to doubt. Everybody finds themselves chasing this man, with no real answers how to catch it in sight. Is this concept even possible? Or is this just even preposterous to think? Can or will this task ever be accomplished? With Tiger, we don’t have to stay tuned until the end of the golf tournament…Well, not unless you want to see him kiss another trophy he’s going to add to his collection.

Today, realistically the PGA Championship was well in hand before making the turn. Having a share of the lead on the first tee…To extending one lead by five strokes when making the turn. It’s not like the field was giving shots back to the golf course either…Again, it was just Tiger’s magnificent links play. If there’s a so-called "zone" in golf, today he found himself in it. Hole after hole, shot after shot, amazing anybody who sat in front of the boob tube to watch. Amazingly only recording two bogey’s on the week to in tune to shooting 19-under par. 19-under par after only managing a 69 in the first round.

There’s something to be said for karma too. Back in April it was Tiger rewarding Phil his second Green Jacket all the while looking as if Phil & Tiger were on even keel. Well, four months later that day in April seems so far. As now it’s Phil’s turn handing over his Wanamaker to TW for his amazing performance yet again in another major…Old Hat. But then again, this is what we’ve come to expect. Watching greatest at its best on a Sunday afternoon…What can be better? With no choking episodes to be weary of. We all thought Michael Jordan had an unmatchable desire to win…Being from Chicago and seeing all his outrageous performances many times, I’m willing to go out on a limb & say Tiger Woods surpasses MJ when it comes to this…Doesn’t that take some ONIONS to admit? Am I the only one out here on this limb? Just not too many…I might be like the bear who fell out of the tree on to the trampoline.

Twin Cities Nights – Staring
Ex-Vikings Receiver

(CBS) ALTAMONT, CA - We’re willing to bet you’ve never seen anything quite like this. During an awards ceremony at a car race, a man jumped into the winner’s race car and began to speed around the track.

Meanwhile, a buddy of his with a video camera decided to tape the one-man race. It wasn’t one-man for long. As bystanders wondered what was going on, security was called in. They forced the daredevil driver out of the car and put him in a choke-hold to restrain him.

His friend with the camera then jumped into security’s tow truck and tried to drive away in that. Seems like they thought they were Ricky Bobby from Will Ferrell’s popular new movie, but for these pranksters, their attempt for the own Talladega night resulted in arrest.

If you haven’t seen this yet, Click here to see this hilarious video:
http://www.davesdaily.com/out.php?id=19514&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwcbstv.com%2Ftopstories%2Flocal_story_228104817.html

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Apparently Koren Robinson figured he might have a better career following in the footsteps of one Ricky Bobby rather than catching passes from Brad Johnson. You don’t think Koren’s kids are named Jack & Daniels, do you? For they would share the same name as John Daly’s kids. Now we see what can actually happen when movies don’t come with disclaimers…Weak minded individual as Mr. Robinson tries to re-enact this kind of shit. Put the football career on hold…Hollywood’s calling you KR.

TNT’s Broadcast in the Woods

Kudos to TNT for plugging their heads in the bunker on this one. One would tend to believe, if your network has the exclusive rights to broadcast the first & second rounds of golf’s final major in the 88th PGA Championship you would do a better job of it. True, every weekend hacker knows a major golf tournament doesn’t begin until Saturday…Although the first round at Medinah had a little extra spice to it. Okay, maybe it was a whole bottle of Tabasco sauce…Just a damn shame we couldn’t at least see what was cooking in the kitchen.

Tiger Woods & Phil Mickelson, two names that define the PGA Tour or for that matter golf in general were paired in the same group for the first time since the 2001 final round of the Masters. This is not some series between the Red Sox-Yankees here, this doesn’t happen on a regular basis…We’re talking about 5 ½ years here people. A lot of shit has changed since then. Golf’s greatest rivalry, whether one agrees with it or not, is what we want to see on the boob tube. Unfortunately, the dumb***** at TNT didn’t get that memo…As they began their first round coverage of golf’s fourth major at 2 p.m. eastern time. Too bad Tiger & Phil teed off at 9:30.

If I recall isn’t this the same network that came on the air at 7 a.m. back in June so we could see the conclusion of the third round of the U.S. Open? So I don’t want to hear, "Oh, it wasn’t in the contract." Although coming on at 7 a.m. was, right? Did the contract say so? Television networks can do whatever they desire; they pay off big bucks for rights to broadcasts events. Wouldn’t it be a better business investment to come on early to televise Tiger’s & Phil’s round rather than show a syndication episode of "Charmed". No offense to Alyssa Milano (gosh she’s so hot, but dumb too), but this doesn’t happen very often…Today Tiger & Phil would’ve gotten my blood pumping more than you sweetie.

Due to the boneheads at TNT, I was forced to scramble and get updates through Cold Pizza, the Golf Channel, and through my computer (when it decided it wants to work). Without all the dookie that is on webcasts all over the Internet, yet again TW & PM were no where to be found. Is this anyway to treat us here? Isn’t this what we as sports fans love to see…The best of the best facing off against each other. Now I know some dumbasses are going to say, "They weren’t facing each other," or "It’s only the first round." Yeah, and tell that to Red Sox & Yankees as they play their first series of the year in April. TNT…You people have no problems with televising NASCAR races, even coming on about two hours before the green flags drops, so we can listen to all the Southern Bell Good OLE Boys and their foreign accents

Not all was lost though, if anybody had an opportunity to catch it, Tiger & Michelin Man made a cameo appearance on TNT for their final two holes when broadcasting began. I wasn’t able to control the excitement & my bodily functions got the best of me…That’s okay though. PEEING YOUR PANTS IS THE COOLEST! What does a three-under 69 tell us…Well, it definitely tells Lucas Glover he’s in trouble. So instead of seeing the two biggest names in golf…What we do get to see is the entire round of one John Daly with his caddie Jack Daniel’s. To LastRowSports.com knowledge, Jack didn’t come out of the bag and neither did Mr. Carmel. A great round for John…I guess it could’ve been worse. We could’ve watched David Duval hack his way to the clubhouse…Thank You TNT!

Headlines of the NFL Preseason so far
Rule of thumb…The NFL preseason is supposed to be quiet with little news making stories as team prepare to kickoff the season. Well, we can throw that theory out the window for this 2006 edition of preseason football. Why we’ve already had numerous newsworthy headlines out of several camps already and we’ve only gotten half way into the preseason. I wonder if the guys on NFL Live get paid for overtime since it’s only the middle of August and there’s so much to report on? Check out some of these headlines from the beginning of training camp.

July 26: "Unhappy Porter wants out of Oakland"…Doesn’t everybody?

July 27: "There’s Something Wrong with Curtis Martin’s Knee, but we don’t know what"…Must be the finest doctors New York has to offer?

July 28: "Branch is a no-show"…Branch begins his disappearing act from Pats camp. Who’s Mr. Golden Boy going to throw to now?

July 29: "Panthers WR Smith injures left hamstring"…Finally the Chicago Bears can cover this guy.

"Roethlisberger back on the field"…Nice Job putting Humpty-Dumpty back together…And yes, helmet was in hand.

"Owens gives Dallas fans thrill at first practice"…Hope Tuna, J.J. & fans got a good look. Thus beginning the She-O dilemma in Big D…Can’t even make it to the regular season.

July 30: "Bush agrees to six-year deal with Saints"…So much for re-entering the 2007 Draft. And monkeys fly out of my ass.

July 31: "Saban turns down invite from President Bush"…It’s not good to be President Bush these days.

"Finneran out for season with knee injury"…Sorry Michael Vick, may the
struggles continue for you in Hotlanta and the West Coast offense.

Aug. 1: "Giants TE Shockey suffers mild concussion"…See now, that’s what happens when one calls his coach an "asshole".

Aug. 3 "T.O. misses practice with sore left hamstring"…Thus beginning his training for 2007 Tour de France. Somebody has to replace Floyd Landis & represent the U.S., although who’s worse? Pick your poison here.

"QB Roethlisberger says he's ready to play"…Please wear a helmet. Those defensive ends & linebackers almost hit as hard as a senior citizen driving a Chrysler.

Aug. 4: "NFL officials get a stylish new look"… Coming this fall to an NFL stadium near you, fashion-forward referees. Thanks for giving us another reason to hate you guys.

Aug. 5: "Six new faces inducted into Hall of Fame"…"REG-GIE, REG-GIE". That andwho knew John Madden was married? Plus, Troy Aikman came out of the closet by showing us that he really isn’t a guy…Congrats, Troy.

"Eagles and Raiders to open NFL preseason"…Enough said. That and welcome back from the dead.

Aug. 8: "Dolphins sign first-round pick Allen"…Only Matt Leinart still left unsigned, but hey what do you want? He’s Mr. Hollywood.

Aug.. 9: "Former draftee Clarett arrested after chase"…Say hello to the newest member of the Mean Machine. Nelly had to retire.

"Pats' Bruschi breaks wrist, will miss preseason"…This is news since coach Gray Sweatshirt actually told us what the problem really was.
"Redskins rookie found unconscious"…Sorry, I can’t say anything about this.

Aug. 10: "Titans rookie White gets into camp brawl"…Can’t anybody play nice without spitting?

Aug. 11: "Cards, fans eager to check out 'cool' new dome"…No more "dry" heat.

Aug. 12: "Saints QB hurt by collision with mascot"…No Capital One Mascot of the Year award for T-Rex.

Aug. 13: "Seau set to retire after 16-year career"…What, can’t do it anymore without the "juice"?

"Redskins' Portis leaves with shoulder injury"…Which is a bigger fall: Portis’sfantasy stock value or the life of Maurice Clarett? Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

"Leinart agrees to terms with Cards"…See what happens when Dennis Green gets pist off.

Aug. 15: "Suggs fails physical, goes back to Cleveland"…Welcome home, we missed you.

Aug. 16 : "Vikings' Robinson arrested on DWI charge"…Don’t care how much alcohol you got in your system, or how fast you have to drive, you better not miss 11 o’clock curfew damn it

After typing all this I think I just gave myself carpal tunnel syndrome…Aw, nothing a couple of ice cold beers can’t fix. Of course, they’ll be Mich. Ultra’s…Got to watch the figure for the ladies

NFL vs. NCAA
Tighty Whities or Boxers, Blondes or Brunettes, Beer: In a bottle or in a can, just some of the choices we are faced with on a daily basis. Simple right…For some yeah, for others no. Now we’re in mid-August and football season is right around the corner from kicking off for real on both levels. Speaking of tough choices there’s another one which is about to bitch slap us right in the face. That is what kind of guy are you? Never easy to answer….Am I a Saturday Pigskin Loving Dude or a Sunday Armchair Coach Potato? Or maybe I’m just a bi-slobberknocker lover who needs the best of both worlds to be satisfied?
So which is better…This is probably not the correct question to be asking. That’s like saying do I want Denny’s or Waffle House at 3 a.m.. Does it really matter. Okay, so then which is more enjoyable, either to watch on the boob tube at home, or renting an oxygen tank to climb the mountain until reaching ones seat in the LastRow. NFL or NCAA?

Showing up in RV’s five days before the game – Advantage NCAA

Tradition – Advantage NCAA

Hyping up Big-Time games – Advantage NCAA

Better Rivalries – Advantage NCAA

Football Tailgating – Advantage NCAA

Looking forward to the following weekend – Advantage Push

A weekend of partying & co-eds (depending on what state we’re in) – Advantage Push

Halftime Entertainment – Advantage NCAA

Cheerleaders (Especially in the bathroom...Carolina Panthers) – Advantage NFL

Ticket Prices – Advantage Push (both to high)

Postgame festivities win or lose – Advantage NCAA

Playoff System – Advantage Definitely NFL

Watching fat, out of shape old guys patrolling the sidelines – Advantage NCAA

Better pay…What, legally or illegally? – Advantage NFL

National Championship or Super Bowl – Advantage NFL (Undebatable)!

More rewarding: A college degree or an NFL paycheck – Advantage NFL

Good Chance of seeing a wardrobe malfunction - Advantage Push (Depends on how many beers in & score of the game)

Football involving what else, but politics – Advantage NCAA (Sorry Miles Brand)

Usage of the computer: BCS or Fantasy Football – Advantage NFL…Go Pickle Pirates, Eaton Beavers & Tasty Twinkies

Entertaining side shows…A cheerleading pyramid gone bad or runaway mascots on golf carts – Advantage Push

Now I know I’ve likely over looked alot here, but what do you want, I’m doing this from the LastRow…Hard to see and breath this high up. Doesn’t take much to get light headed. Wonder if some food from Denny’s or Waffle House will help me focus better. When you spell it out like this isn’t it clear college football has a slightly better product…Just a damn shame while we’re fine tuning are weekly fantasy they are fine tuning the top two teams in the country. Now it’s time to let me know what I forgot, but as of now my calculations, the Final Score is: NCAA 9 – NFL 6….With 5 Push’s, if my math is correct? I never was a Mathematics Major in college. However, I must admit I’m bias to college football, although can be labeled a bi-slobberknocker lover…Nothing’s wrong with that.

Some Sure Bets for College Football 2006

Okay, before we go to Vegas and lose our ass this college football season, here’s some sure bets from the peeps at LastRowSport.com. After all, who knows why, but we all would like to come home to the ball & chain again…For some reason can’t live without her. If one keeps these in mind they will most certainly go from the LastRow to a Luxury Suite…And we all know our tailfeathers will like that.

There's going to be a major BCS issue this season, but it'll be different than anything we've seen before. We've had the USC-Oklahoma-LSU debate, the USC-Oklahoma-Auburn debate, and several other issues over the years. Why should this season be any different?

A team from the SEC will not play forthe national title. No one from the SEC will go unbeaten, but it's doubtful anyone anywhere will go unscathed this season. If Florida or Auburn wins the SEC title and finishes the regular season with one loss, The same goes for LSU, Tennessee or Georgia, but my hook-me-up-to-a-lie-detector call would be Auburn playing in Arizona in early January.

Penn State will lose some traction as they look to replace Michael Robinson, Tamba Hali and their entire secondary (Charlie Weis & Brady Quinn likes that), but they’re not about to repeat the freefall that took place in 2003. Are they all the way back? It’s still too early to tell, but the Lions have recruited well enough the last couple of years to avoid those sub-.500 years that had the program in an abyss from 2000-2004.

Notre Dame’s Brady Quinn will be a Heisman Trophy finalist. (Wow, I don’t say) And he’ll be joined later this year in New York City by at least one player that we’re paying minimal attention to today. The under-the-radar Heisman contender has become a mainstay that won’t cease in this year’s race that figures to be wide open. Oh, Quinn will be in the mix for the duration, as will Oklahoma’s Adrian Peterson and Ohio State’s Troy Smith, but you can count on that one darkhorse candidate that gets into the discussion despite beginning the year without much Heisman backing.

The first time that Notre Dame WR Jeff Samardzija drops a pass or runs the wrong route, someone in the media will proclaim that it wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t spent his summer pitching in the minor leagues.

Short List, but hey I’m not giving away all my Vegas inside information for free.

Problems Follow Huggins to Manhattan
What in the world is going on in Big 12 country this summer? First we have an Oklahoma quarterback costing his team a shot at a National Championship because he thought working at a car dealership for about five hours a week was considered to be full-time. Guess the Sooners aren’t well known for their business program out there in Norman? Next, we had a Nebraska quarterback go awol, walking out on his teammates while trying to runaway from his problems. Let me guess, that plan didn’t work? The problems are still there…Barrent Robbins, where you at fool? Now comes word there’s trouble in Manhattan, Kansas…And no, the plow didn’t get stuck in the field.

Tyler Hughes, a reserve basketball player at Kansas State University, was dismissed from the team Monday after it became known that his name appears in a registered sex offender database. Huggy Bear, what happened to just the sub par graduation rates for your players? I see you’re taking it to a whole new level…To think Cincinnati thought the had issues with you. Now you’re having to rely on registered sex offenders to help you win games at K-State. We know Wildcat Basketball isn’t known for it’s winning tradition or tradition at all, but this isn’t a good way to start building one with a pedofile on the team. Hey Tyler, you stand 6-foot-11, 240 pounds, play Division I college basketball & you’re telling me you have problems scoring girls. Man, you’re doing something totally wrong then. Or maybe it has to do with playing 26 games last season, averaging 1.7 points? You know what they say about guys with an average of 1.7 points…You’re a freaking joke! Being that big and having that scoring average at KSU, well we can certainly see you don’t have game in both areas.

Coach Bob, was this in your plan as you’re trying to put K-State basketball on the map, both in Big 12 country & in the national spotlight? If it was, job well done. I know, coaches can’t be held accountable & responsible for their players every second during the day. While this may be true, unlike football there’s only 15-18 players on a team. And you’re in Manhattan, Kansas…What the hell is there to do out in the sticks of Manhattan? I’m sure you’re getting plastered every night in your living room because of this too. Or for some college basketball players, sexual predatorship may fill in the time just nicely. "After thoroughly investigating the facts as we know them, we feel it is in Tyler's best interest, as well as the university's, that we sever our relationship," Tim Weiser, Kansas State athletics director, said in a press release.

So Tyler isn’t the first athlete to have encounters with a minor…Might be the first to appear in a registered sex offender database. Now I don’t know how old the victim was here, but I have a hard time believing athletes on college campuses have any trouble scoring ladies. "It is absolutely not what it seems," Hughes' father, Rodney, told The Kansas City Star. "But no matter right or wrong, it still doesn't look good." Seems to mean your son has a thing for underage girls…Perhaps I’m not seeing the whole picture here, but that would certainly classify him as a pedifile. Am I right, pops? To think Bob Stoops thought he had some problems with Rhett Bomar…All he did was lie to the NCAA & Uncle Sam. Clearly this is a misdemeanor offense compared to being labeled as a "Sex Offender". K-State, you guys are slowly reaching Baylor’s basketball status…Those aren’t good shoes to be filling. That’s a perfect example of how not to run a program…Huggy Bear, maybe you should’ve taken some better notes on how not to do things.

Fulfilling Every Mans Fantasy

Finally, there’s a real man in professional sports that isn’t afraid to come out of the closet. Wow, only took until the year 2006 for a guy to show that he has big enough onions to care a less what his NFL colleagues think of his private life. For him it’s a big relief and a big burden removed from his back. With it goes a life of living lies on a daily basis, pretending to be someone he’s not…Now with the news today maybe Chris Cooley can go on living a life he only dreamed of for some many years, instead of being so ashamed of it? Yes it’s true Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins is a Fantasy Football Fanatic…He finally had to come out of the closet & cleanse his sole…You Go Chris!

This is big time news…A current NFL member telling the world that’s he addicted to fantasy football. Why I don’t know whether to pee my pants over this or get drunk on his behalf. See, it’s not just us who have big time crush on L.T., Shawn, Peyton, Larry, etc., Chris feels the same way towards those studs as we do. Why not, every Sunday we drool over these hunks on the gridiron watching & cheering their performances in hopes of at the end of the day they would’ve made all our fantasies come true for the week. Chris is just like every other guy…There’s only one thing on his mind…A Fantasy Football League Championship. That’s right, no Super Bowl ring can come close to winning a title with the Pink Ponies in the LastRowSports.com Fantasy Football league. It seems as Mr. Cooley may be addicted to have his fantasies come true (aren’t we all?)…For he was in three other leagues last year?

Now some may tend to argue NFL players have no business playing fantasy football…For it’s a conflict of interest. Let’s see win a Fantasy League title with the Dirt Road Steamers or wear a big fat Super Bowl ring. Well, I can tell you from personal experience (and have the pictures to back it up), wearing a Super Bowl ring might be a tad of over rated. Thanks to former San Francisco wide receiver Mike Sherrard, my greasy finger had the pleasure of sporting his ring. Personally I’d much rather my Dirt Road Steamers finally capture a fantasy crown. For those of you who aren’t smart enough to read between the lines here of course I’m joking…I’m just disappointed I ever had to type this sentence.

Getting back to the conflict of interest, some (those morons sitting on Park Avenue) really do think this might be considered a conflict of interest. Some comparing it to point shaving scandals. Come on, give me a break here. For anybody to have that kind of mindset is purely senseless…Wait, hold on, perhaps Maurice Clarret may think like this? Who knows what he thinks…Does he even know? Sorry, I had to go there. So Chris Cooley might say, "I’m going to not catch the winning touchdown pass, because if I do two of my four teams are going to lose." Yeah, and I’m a multi-billionarie sitting in the LastRow all the time.

Although, this raises an interesting question…What in the hell was Brett Favre doing last year in Cincinnati throwing five interceptions, hmm?
So what if NFL players play fantasy football? Guess what, they also visit strip clubs a lot & call hookers. Which would the NFL prefer them playing fantasy football for good old fashion fun or call some hookers to get aboard "The Love Boat" on a bye week so they can be "Sailin Dirty"? Soon the remix version will be coming to XM Radio. (LastRowSports.com Copyrighted that phrase).

What’s Preseason Worth?
Every year the day after the Super Bowl we as football fans go into depression for about five months until camps start popping up all over the country in mid-July. For this is the time that we can put down our prozac and trade it in for all the beer that we want and drink with "The Twins" (although I prefer Michelob Ultra….Gotta watch that figure). Yes indeed, "Here’s to football". Of course I’m referring to regular season football that is…Not the glorified practices in 70,000 seat stadiums tabbed as "Preseason Games".
Okay, so practice makes perfect and everybody needs to practice. Fans attend these games because the teams along with the league offer discount prices…Gee thanks. I don’t have to pay $65 to watch a QB from Roadrunner College play the entire 2nd half…For that it will only cost me $25. For some this is the only way they can attend a game in person in the preseason at discount rates. Some feel they’re not getting their moneys worth by only seeing players they recognize for a series or two…But really, what do you want? Teams must protect their investments, besides does Clinton Portis really need to prove what kind of back he is on a steamy, summer night in August. I guess he does…Opps, that sound you hear is Redskins fans gasping for air. Now he must be applauded for his efforts as he ran his ass off to try to make the tackle, but now that tackle could play a significant role in what kind of year the Gibb’s bunch has. Wonder who wants to kill themselves more on this day, Gibbs, Redskins Fans, of Fantasy owners of C.P.?
In the same game, yeah we saw Carson Palmer & Chad Johnson, although