The Over/Under on the Dallas Cowboys Season Getting T.O.’d is…?
My guess is, well oh, 33 percent sounds like a good number! That is 33 percent that it will go up in smoke! So Cowboy fans, the numbers still seem to be in your favor…Which is more than I can say for the rest of the country as the “Bailout Plan”, went, well, up in smoke too!

After for the most part of little over a year of being a great “human being”, seemingly who had overcome his pill popping issues…Looksy what happened. The real Terrell Owens, the one everybody hates once again shined through the dark clouds he casts over every NFL team that he plays for. Although not surprising in the least! For we all know Owens body language better than he does, and for us who saw the Redskins-Cowboys game on Sunday saw this coming to a postgame microphone somewhere located in Texas Stadium. However as perplexed of an ass hole he is, his post game gripes were even more out of this world! Wait a minute, what am I saying…I’m talking about Terrell Owens! None of the shit he every does, says makes sense!

"I'm a competitor and I want the ball,'' T.O. said after the 26-24 loss to the Redskins, Now sure he was a little cranky after the loss because we all know that he envisioned the Cowboys going 16-0…So understandably has reasons to pout just as “Little T” does! Implicating the coaching staff for not recognizing that he must be the focal point of the offense. Even though the numbers, (and they don’t lie) shows the quarterback throws 17 passes in your direction and you also run the ball twice for 11 yards…Which ironically just happened to be 33 percent of the Cowboys offense on Sunday. Thirty–three percent was directed towards a douchbag who thinks he needs to be involved more so…Very interesting! Speaking of the quarterback, the same one She-O came to the defensive of last year, in tears no less after getting bounced from the playoffs. Now it just looks like Terrell Owens' love affair with his “quarterback” and the rest of his Dallas teammates may be turning down the rocky path that his relationships with Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia followed. So much for the sobfest…It was a good show though! I’m just glad I had my popcorn ready!

Needless to say, we’re all going to have to get our popcorn ready…When a cat gets looked at 17 times and runs it twice on two end-arounds. Yet when asked if the ball was thrown his way often enough, Owens said:

"I would say no. I'm a competitor, and I want the ball,” oh yes, we have a hell of a show on our hands!! And adds…"Everybody recognized that I wasn't really getting the ball in the first half," Owens said. "I'm pretty sure everybody watching the game recognized it, people in the stands recognized it, I think my team recognized it. I didn't quit. I kept fighting and trying to run my routes and trying to get open."

Gees, that’s so f-ing of you that you continued to do your freaking job! Wait, I just came up with a brilliant notion…Even better than the “Bailout Plan”! Movie theaters need to come up with the “Terrell Owens Popcorn Bucket”…So quite simply we don’t have to be concerned about running out of popcorn during this show! Make it the biggest, baddest popcorn bucket known to man…You know, to resemble him!

Now I’m no Jason Garrent or anything, but looksy as if the offense was forcing the ball to TO at times, at least it seemed like that, (COUGH). And you can't make me believe this line couldn't do more with running plays and blocking. What happened to draw plays with Felix? What happened to Barber/Felix packages to keep the defense guessing? What happened to Felix in the passing game since he has receiver skills? The guy’s only Maurice Jones-Drew revisited, (of course taller). Barber, well, speaks for himself…Did they even dress out on Sunday?

Look, don’t get your jock strap in a bunch just because it seems as if father time is beginning to slowly creep up on the old man. Since the iggles game, you look more like a 40-year old. DB’s are on you like flies on shit these days…Seemingly your separation from them is non-existent! Pretty soon Garrent’s going to have to take a page out of the Miami Dolphin’s playbook and drum up the “Wildcat Offense” just to make your prick ass happy! Hate to inform you of this, um, yeah, you are not as good as you think you are and um, yeah, the offense goes through F-ing Marion Barber, not you "Cast Iron Skillet Hands"!

And with the flare up of Owens yet again, finally we get back the selfishness of TO….Missed it for a season! It's amazing when the Cowboys start to implode. Next week: Pacman hits up one of the 200K strip clubs in Dallas, slaps a stripper and Jerry Jones bails him out of jail. It'll be nothing if entertaining. Let the choking begin! Have fun not winning another playoff game, Cowboy fans! I LOVE ME SOME ME!

Oh shit…Couple things just in, TO's Drama Part III coming your way. Getcha popcorn ready and enjoy the show. Not to be out done…

Drew Rosenhaus has just announced a 6 PM press conference in T.O.'s drive way. Members of the Media are cordially invited to watch his superstar do situps, lift weights, and smile--all the while telling anyone who will listen that he's under utilized and under appreciated. For those members of the media unable to attend, Rosenahus will forward tape of same scene/different team from T.O.'s days as an Eagle.

Matt Bryant Exemplifies Toughness to the Fullest and Beyond
For all of us, football is a weekly ritual from September to January…It’s what we live for. No matter what kind of clusterf****tish we have going on in our everyday lives, football, (at least for a few hours anyway) is a great distraction…No matter how bad ones favorite team blows. Puts the mind at ease.

And so was the case yesterday what happened in Tampa, Florida. While us as fans treat the flying pigskin as religion, for the players that play on Sunday, well, it’s their job. Now we often rag on players in the league for various reasons, (too many to mention) we often joke around that kickers in the NFL aren’t really football players…As we make fun of them trying to attempt making a tackle, lunging and grasping nothing but air in doing so. Or having that Gero Yepremian version in our heads as he attempted, (I think) in Super Bowl VII. Yes, we all give kickers the business! Although, it can’t be argued that Matt Bryant wasn’t the toughest player to put on an NFL uniform yesterday!

It just can’t! Not when you consider that fact that a day after burying his three-month-old son, Bryant not only showed up for work, but he kicked three field goals, including a 24-yarder with 2:28 left that proved to be the difference in the Buccaneers victory over the Packers. First off this is nothing short of remarkable that Matt even showed up to work! Hell, lets take you or I for example…If this shit happened to us, there’d be no way in hell that we’d be showing up to our 7-11 job a day after burying our son asking customers how much they want on pump 4 out there! Or if somebody was bitching and complaining that we were out of slurppees, we just as soon go Kimbo Slice on their ass! How surreal must that have been for him yesterday…On the football field, doing his job. It had to have been all blurred together as I imagine the game was played out in slow-motion silence.

What Bryant was able to do yesterday defies words…It really is! He wasn’t trying to be a tough guy, one who’d play through the pain…Wasn’t trying to suck it up for the team and play through an injury. The pain that he has is unlike any of us have felt…And hopefully haven’t felt, or will never feel! Having our world crash in all around us…As we keep echoing that same sediment. Why? Why? Why? Now true, just as I mentioned about football giving us the fans a temporary distraction from our real lives, I’m sure Bryant would echo that, for this was his three hour escape! Unfortunately, it is only temporary…And as those remaining 2:28 slowly ticked away, the distraction went bye-bye and Kimbo Slice reappeared punching Matt in the gut once again!

I don’t think this can even put what Matt did into context, but the reality is what Bryant did against the Packers transcends any vague sense we might have of football toughness. Also, the reality is in a sports world of today where athletes are always thinking about themselves…Looking out for number one and in a time where it could be deemed necessary to look out and take care of oneself, Matt Bryant didn’t blink! Rather showing up for work as though nothing ever happened…When he’s an emotional wreck inside!

Yes, we tend to rip kickers often…Although, perhaps we see them in a totally different light now! One thing for sure, Matt Bryant you are the toughest player quite possible ever to step foot onto a football field!! RIP Tryson!

Brett Favre Wasn't The Only Thing On Fire in East Rutherford Yesterday
Okay, so we all know by now that Brett Favre did something yesterday that he never did in his career before by torching the Arizona Cardinals defensive with six touchdown passes…Not bad for a "bum ankle". Good ole Eric Mangini take a page out of the Bill Billichick "injury report" playbook. Although something you may not have known, it’s because of that "bum ankle" that I cut Favre from my fantasy team…Brilliant call ass hole, don’t I know!

Something must’ve been in the air besides the smell over East Rutherford, New Jersey yesterday…While The Bretts, (I know, really gay) were putting the Cards over hot coals during the game, before the game looks as if who ever was the SOB in charge of bringing the grill to the tailgating party, forgot…So what’s one to do?

The ever popular Plan B…Just light the whole f-ing car on fire….

Have to cook the brats somehow! And besides, it holds the M-fer accountable for his actions!! Just don’t pay ant attention to the aluminum flavor…It’s not like it’s going to kill you!

Dude…Where’s My Helmet?
We need an amber alert sent out on an University of North Carolina helmet ASAP! Last sighting? Well, here’s video surveillance…

Initial reaction to this as I saw it, um…Uncontrollable hysterical laughter! Forget a decleater and a slobberknocker…That just make you piss your pants! And you thought you had a severe hangover this that makes you feel like your head’s going to blow a gasket!

Without Question, The Greatest Beer Commercial!!
Beer commercials are a dime of dozen. They’re along the same lines of pole huggers who we love visiting at are favorite gentleman’s establishments and shearing our wealth with. Just as Randy, Candy, and Bambi, want to get into our pockets, (easy boy, not in that sort of way) the same can be said for the various beer companies. Always looking for that competitive edge, (no, not steroids) against all other competitors to present there products.
Now we all have our favorite beer spots, from the Man Laws, to the Budweiser Frogs and Wasssssssssup, to Red Stripe…So on and so forth! I’m just here to tell you, that whichever beer ad you call your favorite, well, it used to be once you see this one!! Believe me when I say the following Guinness is the single greatest beer commercial ever! Hell, screw beer commercials…It’s the single greatest commercial ever! Bar None!!

But don’t take my word for it…Have a looksy for yourself! Drink up….

Priceless!! Absolutely priceless!! Although, I could do without the sloppy seconds when it comes to sharing my beer…However, in this instance, I can over look that! And on that note, um, would somebody go get me a freaking Guinness!!

Millen’s Wife Labels Detroit "Football Prison"…Mark Schlereth Calls Millen "Garbage"
I would like to take this opportunity and just welcome the Detroit Lions back to the National Football League! Can’t say anybody missed you as every fan cherished to see the Lions appear on their respective team schedule over the years, and of course we’ll certainly miss that…Although, we still have the Oakland Raiders to look forward to playing. So all isn’t that bad!

Speaking of bad, I can’t decide who was worse…Matt Millen in Detroit or Isiah Thomas in New York? Pick your poison there, literally! This version of "Dumb & Dumber" can compare notes of how to run an organization into the ground…Burying it deeper and deeper year in and year out, making a travishamockery of sorts, making fans live in misery and still some how retain their freaking position with the team! They’re spitting images of each other…Well, besides one being black and one being white, (for those who are color blind).

As noted year in and year out Millen had to go….Unfortunately, it took William Clay Ford’s little ankle biter to call pops out on national television to knock some common sense into his old ass cranium. My guess is if he would’ve known it would’ve been that easy, he would’ve called pops out on national boobtubeion oh say, four or five years before this week! Surprisingly enough we were all flabbergasted, the deer in the headlights look if you will as we heard the news of Millen’s axing…Having to check our calendars to see if it was April Fools Day or something. Hell, it’s like the Lions just won the Super Bowl or something…Everybody, (well mostly everybody’s rejoicing…Get to that in a bit.

Now through Millen’s tenure, we’ve all had are opinions of this jackass from afar…Although how about peeps who had to try and work along side this loser, what must’ve that been like? Oh yeah, HELL! Wonder what Steve Mariucci thinks of this shit for brains? When asked if Millen forced him to start Joey Harrington, Mariucci offered this:

[Millen] wanted to see if we could make [Harrington] into a legitimate starting quarterback -- a winning quarterback -- and I was willing to do that early. As time went on, you know, a young quarterback with a young team -- that's not a good recipe for success.

So, we weren't quite sure that he was going to be the guy. In fact, we suggested, you know, trading with somebody else for other veteran quarterbacks because we gradually believed that Joey would be better suited to be a backup for a while and watch somebody else do it.

So Matt wasn't willing to spend more money on the quarterback position. Matt insisted that we try to develop Joey and build up other parts of the team while we were trying to develop his skills, but it wasn't going to happen.

Mariucci also gave his thoughts on Millen taking wideouts Charles Rogers and Mike Williams with top-10 picks even though, as Rich Eisen suggested, he was against it:

Philosophically, when you build a team -- and, you know, he took the team apart -- they were 9-7 when Matt took over, they were a decent football team and he tried to take it apart and get it to the next level. So there's a lot of rebuilding that needs to be done. With that said, to spend four early draft picks on one position is philosophically difficult to do because you are maybe loading up one position, which two out of the four worked out. Calvin Johnson is going to be a good player and so is Roy [Williams].

But Mike Williams was not somebody we collectively wanted to draft. That came as quite a surprise on draft day that we ended up drafting him when there were so many other good players on the board. In the meantime, you neglect your defense and some other areas of need...
But [Millen] was trying to put in a supporting cast for Joey, to develop Joey's ability to succeed and he did it with the receiver position.

Mooch, didn’t throw him under the bus too bad…He just stated the obvious that everybody knew! HE’S A SHITFORBRAINS!

Although while everybody has taken a shot at Millen, a few hours after Matt Millen was fired, finally, from his job of running the Detroit Lions into the ground, his wife decided to take a shot at the franchise that showed her husband more loyalty as any employer has ever shown any employee in human history….Here's what she said:

"We're fine," Millen's wife, Patty, told ESPN’s Chris Mortensen. "In the world's view, this may look like failure. It's been a hard road, footballwise, but we've gotten a lot of eternal blessings. We'll move forward. I told him, 'You're out of football prison now' and we have a greater purpose."

Failure huh, Patty? How about an abortion, not to mention one big clusterfu**…Yeah, you forgot to mention that as well. Interesting, I didn’t know Detroit was known as "football prison"? Funny, I don’t remember it being that way before hubby arrived in town coming as they came off a 9-7 season. Not forgetting that they made the playoffs six of the nine years before that. So yeah, that "football prison" you want to make Detroit out to be, well, hate to tell you sweetie, but good ole hubby built that prison from the ground up. And by the Lions firing your dumbass husband, that’s the first step in the demolition of the "prison". Since your husband's arrival, the Lions have never even been close to sniffng the playoffs. Hey Patsy, the reason why Big Matt’s tenure in Detroit looks like a failure, well, that’s real easy…Because f-ing was!

Surprisingly enough it wasn’t just Matt’s ball & chain coming to his rescure, actually it was bizarre to hear ESPN's Tony Kornheiser claim on Pardon the Interruption that Millen was qualified. Wait a minute…Who am I kidding, bizarre! I should consider the source of this hot air…

"I know him a long time," Kornheiser said. "I think he was qualified for his job. I think that his years of being a player, and his years of being on television, helped him evaluate personnel. I'm stunned by the totality of his failure because I like the guy a lot."

Dan Le Batard then proceeded to tell Kornheiser he's an idiot…
"You're sucking up to him because he's friends with you," Le Batard said. "Because you guys have always liked him and this is how he's gotten ahead. He should have never had that job." "How can you defend Matt Millen as being qualified for that position?"

Dan, that’s real easy…TK’s "qualified for that position" logic is the same exact logic ESPN used to put this clown in the Monday Night booth in the first place! So yes, it all makes perfect sense…Just like that freaking pythagorean theorem does!

And then ESPN’s Mark Schleretz brought some actual common sense to the table, echoing what the majority of us felt about the Millen Detroit debacle…

Schlereth prefaced his comments by saying he personally likes Millen. "He's a guy that I respect," Schlereth said. "A guy that I love." And then Schlereth put the key in the ignition and then began to back the bus over him after throwing him under it…For good reason of course!"It may be the worst personnel job in the history of the National Football League," Schlereth said. "He was horrible. Matt was -- I mean, it was absolute garbage."

"Garbage"…Wonder if that could be construed as "Failure"?

Now here’s where it gets interesting… Millen is fond of saying that people who criticize his tenure running the Detroit Lions don't understand the game of football. Is he going to say that about Schlereth as well? All Schlereth is, is, well, played in two Pro Bowls, won three Super Bowl rings and been around the game his entire life…That’s all! But yet does he understand football? The verdict is still out on that, as in O.J. staying out of the slammer for a double murder. I just know losing isn’t good…And when you lose very often, well, you’re failing! And when you’re making the wrong personnel moves every time you make a freaking personnel decision, well yeah, then, it can be interpreted as being garbage! Of course, I don’t understand football! But Patty sure seems to have a pulse for it!

Date Night Advice with Texas Tech Coach Mike Leech
We all know of those call in shows that every collegiate coach in America has…It’s an opportunity to give fans of that respective team time to shoot the shit with the ole ball coach, while allowing the institution to prosper ever more so by having local sponsors for the telecasts. Throughout these annual renditions it’s the same old shit, callers call in giving congrats for the victories and ready to hang the coach for all the loses.

Questions range from, "How about if we do this instead of this?" "And how come so and so isn’t playing?" Okay, first off genius…This isn’t high school or pee wee leagues here! So if a particular player isn’t playing, that pretty much means he sucks balls! It’s plan and simple! Second of all, I’m sure every coach in America laughs their asses off when fans try to give them pointers! Look, there’s a reason why you sit in the LastRow of Sec. 077 and not strolling the sideline…Of course though, every coach in the country says the politically correct thing and responds, "we’ll surely take that into consideration.

These episodes are so vanilla…However, once in a while they tend to get spiced up a little. And what a better football coach to do the than Texas Tech coach Mike Leech. Besides being a wack offense progenitor - football coach. And not having the ability to schedule a non-conference opponent with a pulse, besides all that, Mike Leech, well, he appears to be a "First Date Expert".

Lets check it out shall we…

Yeah Dr. Phil, where you at punk! How awesome is that, a Big 12 football coach giving dating advice. And not just any old advice…Shockingly it was pretty good advice. Although one thing, the weirdos in the coffee shop, of course they’ll be…You live in Lubbock for God’s sake! Weirdos aren’t just relegated to them coffee shops down there…Never been there, but I’m guessing they’re all over!

The question that I have is, just say "the caller" took the advice of Love Doctor Leech…Followed his gameplan to the "T", um what happens when he’s forced to call an audible? Does this dating tip come with some kind of "helpful hints wristband" where the advice is scripted out and all "the caller" has to do is look down at it and pick out a formation he likes and go with it? Because as we all know some establishments are louder than others, which does make hearing quite difficult at times!

So the next time you’re in Lubbock, Texas, (which I don’t know why you would ever want to be) but if you are and you haven’t got the f-ing slightest idea what to do, just remember, Mike Leech…He’s only one phone call away!

Alabama-Georgia…It’s on Like a Donkey Kong "F-ING FUNERAL" Saturday Night
As with any big college football game, the anticipation throughout the course of the week leading up to it is well, enormous. And so here we are, about ready to close out the first month of the season with another one of these games. First it was Ohio State-USC, um yeah, I’d would’ve rather hammered nails into my eyes…For one thing, it would’ve been more exciting! The media folks tried their damndest to build up the Tennessee-Florida game a week ago…Again, would’ve rather rode out Hurricane Ike! More thrilling! Same goes for the Clemson-Alabama matchup to start the year! However, if you try-try again, you’re bound to get one correct and last weeks billing of LSU-Auburn finally lived up to what it was supposed to be!So here we sit this week, where the "Game of the Century", (or week…however, one wants to look at it) will be between The Hedges when the Fighting UGA’s host the Fighting Elephants, or simply…Alabama-Georgia!
Another battle between two top ten teams…It’s what we’ve come to expect from the SEC week in and week out! And so the media attention began shining the spotlight on this game last Sunday, as Georgia announced then that it would black out Saturday’s game against Alabama. That’s right, one big "Black Out"…Just a question, I thought black was the color appropriate for funerals. Why do teams have this notion that all black uni’s will put the fear of God into them…I never understood that?

So obviously there’s only one thing for Nick Saban to do then, but wear a black Alabama golf shirt to his press conference. Of course! Responding to a writer who noted the black Alabama polo like this…

"It was the only thing I could find at the house this morning." Here, take a listen for yourself…(fast forward through all the blah, blah, blah…the cooking of the meat and potatoes begins at the 4:25 mark. Listen closely…Besides being a football coach, Nick Saban is one hell of a comedian).

Um Nick, if that was the only thing you had to wear, um, either, A) your ball-n-chain at home doesn’t like to do any kind of laundry, or B) I just have to know what the hell you’ve done with all that loot that the Alabama Slammer boasters dumped in your lap? Only thing you had to wear…Gees, I know things are tough in this country nowadays, but holy shit! Having to ransack through your hamper in order to get dressed, damn!

Although funny thing is, Mark Richt and Nick Saban must have a common joke writer. They used the same quip about their shirts about 24 hours apart on opposite sides of the border. So on Tuesday Mark Richt decides to wear a red Georgia golf shirt instead of getting into the blackout spirit…Responding in nearly the same fashion…(Sorry, no video footage of this)

"It was the only thing I could find at the house this morning."

Okay now, it’s a known fact that the SEC coaches get paid the most jack of any other D-I football conference in the nation…Is it preposterous to fathom that if their battle axes at home aren’t keeping up with the honey dos around the crib, (i.e., the laundry) couldn’t they just hire somebody? I’m thinking if one is making 2-4 million a year…Hell, shouldn’t he at least have clean threads to go to press conferences in?

So it goes without saying, the pre-game hype has already started. But you can’t tell by the press conferences. Both teams kept their answers guarded….Disregarding their apparel of course!
They praised the opposition and even held their criticism vague enough to mean anything. It will be hard for anybody to find bulletin-board material. Keeping their yaps closed…Not like that Clemson Defensive Coordinator who got a searve case of oral diarrhea before the Alabama game. Yeah oops! Bulletin-board material will be nonexistent as Saban and Richt have respectively evoked a gag order to everybody associated with their respective team. Yep, when the cameras and tape recorders are rolling it’s time to super glue the lips together!Although, I wonder what’s said in practice, where they’re no mics and cameras around? Well here, why don’t we have a looksy at a Alabama practice this week…And as Paul Westerdawg of GeorgiaSportsBlog points out an Alabama assistant coach using the Black out this Saturday as motivation for BAMA to bury the Dawgs. His exact words at the 1:03 mark in the video are this...

(For those of you who can’t make out the mumble jumble…Here, I’ll help you out)
MUMBLE JUMBLE TRANSLATION, HE SAID…
"THEY ARE WEARING BLACK BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO A MOTHER F-ING FUNERAL!"

Two things here…A) that gets back to my earlier mention of my funeral theory. And B), well, if it wasn’t already on by the two coaches mocking each other in dirty clothes, just got one thing to say! IT’S ON LIKE F-ING DONKEY KONG NOW, JACK! OH YEAH!! Were’s Michael Buffer when you need him?

Rodney Harrison Tags Ricky Williams as "Dirty"! (Try Not to Laugh Too Hard)
Here’s a hard to believe story…A story for all intensive purposes is actually just down right comical to say the least coming from Sunday’s game where the Dolphins smacked the Pats right up side their head continuously. And yes, Ronnie Brown just scored again!

Speaking of Brown’s fantasy day, well it’s a known fact that Patriots safety Rodney Harrison, considered by many, including players, fans and just about everyone who isn't involved with his team, to be the dirtiest player in the NFL is now bitching and complaining that, get this, somebody might have played dirty against his team on Sunday. How classical is that…It’s really priceless! A guy who won a poll this off-season conducted by Sports Illustrated peeps no less polling various peeps around the league in regard to the dirtiest player in the league…Who actually won the poll hands down is now calling another player dirty. Where’s the MasterCard commercial when you need one? Although in fairness to Rowdy Roddy, I guess he should know considering he’s the poster child for dirty tactics.

Here’s a little soundbyte from the Sun-Sentinel…
Harrison was angry about the first play of the fourth quarter, when Ronnie Brown sprinted 62 yards with a direct snap. The officials called Williams for a dead-ball personal foul for chop-blocking Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel, an infraction offset by Vrabel's unnecessary roughness penalty. Was Williams' block dirty? "Of course it was," Harrison said. "Of course it was. There's no place in the game for that."

That’s just purely comical! Shit, it’s not like he’s calling the kettle back or anything…That’s along the same lines of a heroin addict who’s arms are one of that of a human pin cushion telling somebody else who’s ready to stab themselves with a needle not to use and abuse! Simply because there’s no place in life for that…Yeah, that’s just totally f******* awesome! And Ricky Williams will begin conducting seminars on why one shouldn’t smoke the hippie lettuce. My thinking is, well, perhaps Rodney was just a little too high on HGH when he made this spat…He does seem to have issues with that as well!

Hell, it’s not like throughout his 15-year career, he has recorded over $200,000 in fines from the NFL, while also being suspended for a hit during the 2002 season on wide receiver Jerry Rice...No sir! Honestly, if one tried to make this shit up, well it’d be impossible to…F******* impossible! For this can't be made up. Of course, this isn't the first time Harrison has complained about other teams playing dirty. The good news is, we all know what’s coming next…At some point, Bill Belechick’s going to accuse some other team of cheating! Oh yeah, that’s coming!

Here we are three games into the season and everybody associated with the Pats sound like this. Oh, what’s a matter…Need to go suck on mommies left tit? Or is it the right one? Will that make things better? Nevertheless, cry, cry, cry…Ever since their season went up in smoke in the desert last season! Tom Brady’s knee is shredded wheat…"Oh, that was a dirty hit!" "Bernard Pollard needs to be punished…That was a cheap shot!" Now this hot air coming from the other Dick-Rod piehole. I guess we’re lucky Bill Belecheat doesn’t talk!

Point is everybody involved with the Pats needs to glue their lips together and stop contributing to global warming. Wait, wait, isn’t that what we kept hearing this same team saying just a year ago, regarding to them running up the score? And wasn’t it them who didn’t want to hear any of the bitching and complaining? Well, looksy what we have here…Why, this season it would appear as if though the shoe’s on the other foot now, doesn’t it? I just have one question…You guys like apples? Well, how about them F******** APPLES!

Who Gagged on a Lays Potato Chip as Tom Brady Crumbled?
Here we are, two weeks into living in the LAB, (that’s short for Life After Brady) and one would’ve thought it’d be getting old by now ripping the Pats and their crybaby fans…That couldn’t be more further from the truth! Actually, it’s the whole reason why I wake up in the morning, well that and also because my freaking bladder is about to burst…Guys, you feel me on that one! Figurative speaking of course! Not literally…All you Pickle Pirates back the F-Off!
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who’s wearing my Bernard Pollard Fan Club nightshirt to bed every evening…For it brings me sweet dreams of seeing the Patriots season come crashing down as Bernard lunges for the Golden Boy, slowing falling to the turf. Bringing all the hopes of playing in Super Bowl XLIII with him.

Sweet dreams for me and many others that is who diSPIES. For those who are Pats fan, well, different story…And let me just say my heart pumps piss for you…It really does! Must admit though I get my rocks off as I rejoice watching you agonize! I really do!
Take this follow clip for example…Very amusing indeed, but around the 35 seconds the "Shock and Awe" look gets me going in my pants every time. Just something about a Pat fan choking to death on his Lays potato chip that I just find humorous!

Roll it…

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Some shit never gets too old!!!

Ronnie Brown Shows the World the Real Bill Belichick
Well, we knew it had to end sooner or later, so why not just get it over with. I’m referring to the Patriots regular season unbeaten streak. However, to the Dolphins…Are you f******* serious? It wasn’t like the floundering fish won on the final play where Chad Pennington finally decided to throw like a man and his hailmary prayers were answered. No, wasn’t like that at all, but rather a good ole fashion woodshed beat down. Oh, wait a minute…I think Ronnie Brown just scored again! This time returning a punt.

Aw yes, life without Tom Brady…Um, I can’t help but wonder if the happiest people are in Cleveland today? For the Bill Belecheat that they knew and adored so much has apparently reemerged! Okay, okay, I’ll admit perhaps I’m premature with that…All I know is in two and a half games without the Golden Child the Godness like aura that has been attached to Double B has diminished. The two wins this season have been squealers…And yesterday getting out coached by some first year no name who only got the Dolphins head coaching position is simply because he’s BFF with the Tuna. Not just beating, but running circles around you by running a college gimmick offense…Which in turn made you really look like a jackass considering you’re a “Defensive Guru”. Yeah, some guru…When you have this “deer in the headlight” look the entire game, not having any answers. And Ronnie Brown just scored again!

Let’s think back to all that chatter last year, (before the Super Bowl) about renaming the Vince Lombardi Trophy the Bill Spyeyes Trophy…About how Double B is the greatest person to ever put on a headset and prowl the sideline. Um, care to re-think that notion? Look, I know it’s just one game and he’s won 18 of his last 20…Although, times, oh yes, they’re changing. Yesterday’s only the beginning! Hell, if a first year head coach of a doormat team can kick the shit out of the Pats, then, well…My point exactly!

Truth of the matter, (and this will be argued the entire season), but two and a half games without Brady…Well, we can see he’s nothing without little Tommy! And that’s a fact! Arrogance and BB go hand and hand…And well, looks like that’s going to come back and bite ya, Billy Bob! Having arrogance by not picking up a legit back up qb…For the Dog ate my homework excuse, Matt Cassel knows the system! Um, here’s a newsflash Bill, the system is chuck it deep to Randy Moss! With the check down being Wes Walker…Yeah, tough system to learn! So tough in fact, a YMCA signal caller can run it. See, there’s a reason why Cassel has been and will always be a life long backup! It’s not like you guys stumbled onto another hidden gem by drafting him as you did with Tom. And Ronnie Brown just picked off Cassel and took it to the house!

Speaking of a YMCA signal caller…I tend to think he would’ve carved up the Fish’s defense more than little Matty did. Are you kidding me? It’s the freaking Dolphins! Yeah, Bill Belecheat is a f******** genius…Yes, sir! But this isn’t about what Cassel can or can’t do, it’s about BB. About BB getting all the glory thanks in part to one Tom Brady…Riding his arm and abilities to the promise land. Because if we think back to when Drew Bledsoe’s lung got planted into the Foxboro’s stadium turf, you were nothing more than mediocre then…And what happened, Brady saved the day and made you what you are!

See, the Bill Belechick that was in Cleveland, that’s the real Bill Belechick…And as evident by yesterday’s woodshed beating, he’s about to resurface this season! In the process of doing so, um, yeah, good luck with that Randy Moss cat! You’re going to need it! Lets see how much longer he remains a “swell teammate”. Probably as long as you remain Gods gift to NFL coaching…As in Not For Long!

This just in…Ronnie Brown just returned a punt to the house!

Brady Quinn, Where You at Dawg…?
Oh yeah, that’s right…You’re still over on the sideline writing down all the mistakes that Derek Anderson is making so you can show oh Romeo, oh Romeo, where art thou? After all numbers don’t lie…And Romeo, when you have a goose egg still in the win column after three weeks, well that’s just not going to get it done! And when Brady’s not busy doing that he’s busy calculating how many times Braylon Edwards gets scared shitless when he sees a flying pigskin coming right at’em…BRAYLON LOOK OUT!! DUCK SON!!

Needless to say, there’s a whole lot of calculating in the Cleveland Browns organization after three games into this season…Primarily in the office of one Phil Savage! Yeah, right about now he’s looking for a tall tree and a short rope. After drafting Brady Quinn to be the face of the franchise for years to come, Derek Anderson comes out of Bufu, Idaho last year, (wow, in a contract year no less…shocker). As I reference to this situation last year it’s what the San Diego Chargers went through with the whole Brees-Rivers saga. All of us thought Anderson was going to get the same treatment…A one night stand if you will, be gone by 10 a.m. or else. Shockingly enough, Savage re-signed the “one year wonder” to a be fat pay day…Now the question is when does D.A trade in his helmet and position behind center to a baseball cap and holding the clipboard on the sidelines?

It’s only a matter of time! Or is it? Cleveland wants to win…After all, they were supposed to make noise this season for a variety of different reasons. Does Quinn give the Browns a better chance to win? Nobody knows the answer to that question! Although the question I have is will the economic factor come into play now? The Browns backed up the Brinks truck for D.A. to play…Not to be a sideline spectator. This same theory can be applied to Brady Quinn as well…They didn’t make the draft day trade with the Cowboys for nothing! To be fair to Anderson, the Browns problems are far greater than one single player…It’s a collective disaster in Cleveland after three games. That being said, it is only three games…And with all the talent that the Brownies have and given the entire AFC is wide open, the season is far from over. However, you keep digging a grave for yourself, at some point you’re going to lay in it…And Cleveland has a great head start on their grave digging techniques. It’s about the only thing that they’ve done well so far this season.

Goes without saying, there’s a dilemma on Lake Erie…Okay, probably more than one. Just have to wonder if shit keeps going in a downward tailspin when will Romeo and Co., (sounds like a Cleveland Law Firm) pull the plug on Derek Anderson in favor of Quinn? After all, we all saw last year how short Charlie Frye’s leash was…One half. It only took one half before he found himself to go from NFL starting quarterback to now part of the witness protection program. Man, whatever happened to that cat?

Hindsight is 50/50, but for all intensive purposes we all saw this coming…Perhaps not the 0-3 start for a team that had high hopes in regarding the quarterback position. So now that Romeo’s “seat heater” has been turned on…At what point does he turn to Quinn in hopes of him providing a spark? If that match doesn’t get sparked relatively soon, looks like Crennel will find out why the NFL stands for Not For Long…As he’ll be looking for new employment! I mean, if Cleveland isn’t going to use Quinn, how about sending him back to South Bend? We really miss his services!

Do you Turn to Stuart Scott for Your Weather Coverage?
Here’s something that will make you go, "Hmmmmm" What’s worse, having Stuart Scott as an ESPN sports anchor or having to turn to him when one’s dealing with a weather crisis? I know, very tough call! Just be glad you didn’t live in Raleigh, North Carolina when peeps had no choice but to turn to Scott in 1989, when having to deal with a freaking blizzard…Damn, come on, it’s not like shit not bad enough, right. Just when peeps thought it couldn’t get any worse, well…

StuWeatherman
by AA111

Sorry, it just did! Man, I was waiting for the catch phrase, "it’s as cool as the other of the pillow out here!" I could just hear the Scott 89 version when Hurricane Hugo was barreling down on the Carolinas, "Boo-yah," here he blows…Yeah, speaking of which Stewie. Or perhaps this on, "Check if you're bleeding...Cause we just got tagged!" Followed by, "Aye, Papi, I did not know you could do it like that!" Yeah well, "Boo-Yah"! Feel very bad for the peeps at WRAL-TV 5…Their viewership ratings must’ve blew hard than Hugo!

The irony here is sometime after Scott’s exploration in "blizzard awareness" coverage and before he went Jim McMahon on himself and stabbed himself in the eye with a fork he was a sports anchor in Orlando, Florida for WESH-2. Being a resident O-Town, I had the dubious distinction of listening to Mr. "Eye Wanderer" for far too long…So Raleigh peeps, I feel your pain! Hell, he made want to stab myself in the eye with a fork…Although, not I’m not alone in that regard! For now we all want to!

Big thanks in the asses at WRAL-TV 5 in Raleigh for this shit for brains!! "I ain't sayin' nothin', but that ain't right!"

Never Operate A Moped While Drunk…
Time to revisit the college years…And for those readers who haven’t had their experience yet, well this is what you have to look forward to. First let me just start by saying college is a big waste of time! All you get out of the four, five, six, seven, (whichever plan you sign up for) years is deeper in debt…That’s it! That damn piece of paper won’t get you a job…A lot of dumbasses believe so, but that damn thing holds as much value as the toilet paper we wipe our asses with, that is unless you went to school to become a Jose Baez, (see Casey Anthony about that) or a doctor! Those are the only things that going to get a college edumaction is good for. For everybody else, the thing that will work…Um, yeah, it’s called connections!

Although as we know, (or some have yet to find out) when you’re not wasting your time away in classrooms, doing projects, or writing papers using the "copy and paste" technique, (not that I know anything about that) you’re busy partying your ass off and part of that is getting shitfaced in the process. Which leads me to an ever popular lesson that I learned…See college also teaches you life lessons when one is in shitfaced mode! It was, "don’t try and do your best Brett Favre impression in the hallway of your dorm with a 12-pack of Bud Light in your gut with your boys…Pretending they were Antonio Freeman, Bubba Franks, etc., (even though they where white)!" Now true, Brett would’ve been so proud seeing that ball being lasered up and down the hall, however, when the flying pigskin snaps the fire sprinkler and turns the dorm into a water park free of charge…Well, I guess that’s why Brett’s an NFL quarterback and I’m not! For sure, he would’ve called an audible and not have the fire department show up and the dorm be evacuated!

See, now that’s the kind of shit that you can only learn in college…And it seems Wisconsin linebacker Jonathan Casillas would know exactly what I’m referring to. Shitforbrains is due in court Friday to face DUI and other charges related to an August 24 incident, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports. Okay, so we hear of this happening all the time, right? So what’s the big deal with getting cited for a DUI? Well, apparently the word hasn’t gotten out that there's absolutely nothing funny about drunk driving, which kills about 13,000 people a year in the United States, according to Mothers Against Drunk Driving. So Casillas was pulled over by university police while driving his moped with a passenger on it. His preliminary blood alcohol level was .15, almost twice Wisconsin's .08 limit. Wait, wait…Hold up! A moped?

What the f*** is that? We’ve heard of Bill Murray being cited for a DUI while operating a golf cart, but a moped…What Big Jon, you’re too big to operate a Fisher Price Big Wheels? Or your little brother wouldn’t loan it to you, so you figured why not try the moped instead? Look, we all know how gas is quite expensive these days. But ... come on. A moped? Did you ever come to think that a tricycle might be the safer route? No, I don’t think you did…And for that I’m glad Badger coach Bret Bielema told the Wisconsin State Journal that he has already disciplined Casillas and the linebacker will not face additional disciplinary measures…Although I think Casillas needs to face additional measures! He really needs to understand just how severe this really is to be a football player operating a damn moped…Before he’s the laughing stock on the football field, oops, too late!

The good news, Casillas will not miss any games due to jail time, the worst penalty he can face is a $300 fine, a $355 surcharge, and a nine-month suspension of his driver's license. Well that’s good to know…He won’t miss any games. Although receiving a nine-month suspension of his driver’s license is just plain humorous…All because of being intoxicated behind the wheel, (I think) of a moped! Classic! Lucky he and his passenger weren't hurt and didn't hurt anybody…Well, that is unless you consider his pride! Looks like Fisher Price’s Big Wheels line will be Casillas best friend for the next nine months!

Remembering the Day the Sports World Stopped…
Seven years ago today! Where were you?

Charlie Weis Writes Michigan Check, but Can Notre Dame Cash it?
Well it’s Thursday and we all know what that means back from our college days…Woo Hoo, the weekend is finally here! Ever wonder why we consider Thursdays to officially begin the weekends? I mean in the fall, such as we are in now so to speak, it makes complete sense…Thursdays officially kickoffs the football weekends. And with having said that, the weekend is indeed upon us.

Now for the most part we’re all looking forward to the showdown in Los Angeles Saturday night…Well, at least we know Carson Palmer is for sure! However, a polehugger dubbed "Jewel" gets my blood flowing much more than the anticipated matchup between the Suckeyes and the Trojans…Look, speaking of blood, we all know it’s going to be a blood bath! We all know what the Sucks are all about…They dominate the Big Ten, just too bad that conference doesn’t matter in the college football landscape anymore! So why expect anything less than another loss to a premier football power…The last two BCS National Championships, well, nuff said!

So as I look for another ABC Primetime game not to live up to all the hype, (please see another USC overhyped matchup last season in Lincoln, Nebraska) I look at another Big Ten team heading out to the West Coast to be the better of the two high profile games when Wisconsin, (kudos for them flying out to the Valley) takes on Fresno State. Although what do I know anyway?

I know one thing, that a coach has no business writing a check that his team will have a very difficult time cashing this week, judging their performance a week ago against San Diego State! During the annual Blue & Gold Game Charlie Weis writes saying, "The Hell with Michigan" during the pregame breakfast…Of course since then he’s backed off those comments. Saying he was joking around and trying to honor the late Bo Schembechler when he used to remark, "The Hell with Notre Dame!"

HaHa, very funny Weis…Although judging from this following clip, um, yeah, I don’t think the thought of Bo Schembechler even entered your mind here…Not to mention the fact that it’s difficult to swallow the notion you were paying tribute to him at a f******* Notre Dame function! Yeah Charlie, my dog ate my play calling sheet too! (For those of you who don’t want to waste 7-plus minutes of your life, just fast forward up to around the 1:12 mark)

Um, did I mention HaHa? Oh yeah, I did! I bet Bo likes you paying tribute to him! See, the problem with you Charlie, aside from your weight…Is the fact that you blow way too much hot air considering the position your football program’s in! Coming off a 3-9 season and then having to have a late rally sparked by a fumble recovery at the goalline to beat SDSU, your act is growing very old to say the least! The knock on Tyrone Willingham was he couldn’t recruit, something you can do…But what’s worse? Not being able to recruit and being mediocre or pumping your chest because on paper you have a shit load of talent, but not having the ability to make any noise with it…That of course besides the noise always coming out of you cakehole! Speaking of cake, why don’t you go have a few pieces, at least your yap will stay closed! Then at least the team doesn’t have to be concerned about cashing your checks for your…Come to think of it, shouldn’t you be more worried about saving you job? And cashing your own paychecks?

The Real Truth UnCOVERed Behind BRADYGATE…Not Surprising
The outcries are still as loud as ever…The tears are still flowing resembling Niagara Falls…Everybody’s walking around in a state of depression, living in a state of denial, the fact of the matter is that Tom Brady’s still out for the year! Every Pat fan living the life of on Nancy Kerrigan, wondering why, why, why…Asking themselves if Bernard Pollard is just simply Jeff Gillooly incognito. Good theory, really it is! However, I have my own theory as to why the Golden Boy’s knee got Gillooly with some damn good merit behind it! Here, check it out for yourself…
http://blog.sportscolumn.com/story/2008/9/9/135318/4758/nfl_ne/The_Madden_cover_that_should_have_been
And if that wasn’t enough, fan anybody wishing to show their support by becoming a full fledged to The Bernard Pollard Fan Club, well here you go…
http://www.believemerch.com/

"Which Cheerleaders are Better?" The Co-Eds or the Professional…D’OH!
Now that we are in full pigskin mode for another year…Stuffing ourselves full of it Thursdays through Mondays thoroughly enjoying every second of it, there are some questions that arise from it being football season. Namely the most noteworthy question that’s raised annually is which brand of it gets your blood pumping and bubbling just as a lovely lady dubbed Diamond as she rubs all up on you working hard for you money? Some prefer blondes over brunettes, all natural over implants…Others prefer chocolate instead of vanilla, and then you have the ones who prefer orange juice over prune juice at breakfast. Hey, I say whatever floats your boat! For me I’ll take a blonde who’s well endowed over easy who’s a vanilla delight in every sense of the word along with a large OJ for breakfast any day of the week please. Hell, why can’t you find that on a freaking IHOP menu? Is that to f****** much to ask?

Anyhow, getting back to the football realm of things, we often have difficulties distinguishing what brand of football we prefer. And if one would look back through my archives, I posed this same question way back, (it’s a good read). For some it’s college, for others it’s pro. Nevertheless there’s no right or wrong answer! Although if you think that question is a difficult one to answer how about the following one…

"As The Debate Over Which Type Of Football Is Better Rages, We're Focusing On Something Else…", that something quite simply being, oh, just, "Which cheerleaders are better?" The co-eds or the professional…D’OH! And a big shout out for the peeps at faniq.com for giving us all brain freezes with this one without even touching ice cream. You talk about the great debate, yeah, we have one…Forget all those Political Debates, why this one has substance!

After critical analization the outstanding research the peeps at faniq has brought to the table, I must say that yes The California Girls are in a league of their own, being a Notre Dame fan as I am, (sorry to admit it) the Trojan pom-pom girls, well I just never, (and still don’t) get those damn outfits! It’s like they’re dressed in a fur coat cheerleading outfit or something…Not enough skin ladies! And for being Cali gals, it just doesn’t make sense!

So more along to the Sunshine State Matchup pitting Florida Gators vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers…I just say at least there’s something positive about living in the damn state! Do the words too close to call mean anything? Here’s what we know…Co-eds, well, they’re co-eds. And being a co-ed in Gainesville, well we know a whole lot of "fun", (shall we say) is taking place on that campus. On the other hand, Tampa…Oh hell, forget it! Flip a freaking coin…You can lose here!!

On to the Lone Star Ladies…Sorry UT, but that color brown, well it’s just not doing it for you! Now true, the most noteworthy cheerleaders in all of sports cheer for the Cowboys. Although I really encourage you to check out what the Texans have to offer…Let’s just say a lot more than the football team does! So undoubtedly I have to agree with faniq’s selection here. Same goes for their Mid-Atlantic Maidens…It’s no contest!

Now the Underrated Sleepers matchup…I’ll be honest, I don’t know the reason behind this, but I’ve always have had a thingy for the Oregon Duck cheerleaders! And nothing against Midwest ladies, but they always seem to resemble Casper the Ghost. I mean come on, help yourself out…At least go to fake-n-bake! There’s no reason to be the same color as Cool Whip! So yes, advantage definitely goes to the quack attack!

I must say that I disagree with the conclusion from this in-depth analysis saying that whichever cheerleaders one prefers more is a correlation of which sport you prefer. Huh? That makes little sense to me…I prefer college football over the NFL, but assuming that means I prefer college cheerleaders over the ones cheering on Sunday is ridiculous to say. Actually I prefer NFL hotties over co-ed pom-pom girls for the simple reason that for the most part they just stand there and look pretty…Unlike the co-eds who will annoy the piss out of us with all their cheers and what not. Look, if I want to be annoyed…Well, the ball and chain does that just fine. I don’t need school girls do that same shit! I’m here to watch football and NFL cheerleaders understand this completely. Just wave their pom-poms and look pretty. So that’s my opinion, what’s yours?

Vince Young’s Voicemail is Completely Full, but His Head’s Empty
Damn, I just hate leaving my crib, hopping into my Denali and forgetting one thing…My LG Vu. Have to tell you, I made that mistake once, holy shit…Never again! They say you don’t leave home without you American Express card…No, no, they have that all wrong! Never leave home without your LG Vu, because once that happens next thing you know your voicemail keeps picking up and that’s when peeps start sending an amber alert out on your ass…Just for not picking up your cell phone. Wow, what is this world coming to? More importantly what in the hell is going on in Nashville, Tennessee? I suppose just another day in the life of the Tennessee Titans.

Funny this is, they thought they got rid of all their head cases this offseason by sending Pacman and his entourage Blinky, Inky, and Pinky off to Big D…Another very high draft choice I might add. Now it’s no telling how long they’ll need to play damage control with their "franchise quarterback". Considering this latest chapter to Vince Young having his head so far stuck up his ass saga just began to be written postgame Sunday, my guess, well the entire season. Jim Wyatt of the Nashville Tennessean reports, a psychologist met with Young at his home on Monday afternoon…My opinion on this, was that really necessary? You need a psychologist to find out where his melon is? All that’s needed is a deep cavity search and it can be far, it’s up there somewhere…Only question is how far.

So lets get this straight, not only do the Titans have a major head case who’s labeled as their "franchise quarterback," (and I use that term loosely) and have to be in damage control mode when it comes to that. In addition, they have a media storm nightmare relating to the fact that the initial reports surfaced that Young went missing and the Titans were concerned, everything was eventually brushed off as a misunderstanding and everything was back to normal. Shit, that’s the best song and dance you’ve got? Warren Sapp has more dancing abilities than that.

Things are back to normal huh…That’s very interesting, considering it seems your YOUNG, (how appropriate his last name is such) quarterback’s future with the team is very uncertain, not only that his future as an NFL quarterback may be as well. If there’s one position in all of sports that you need to be playing with a full deck in your numbskull, well it’s the starting quarterback position for an NFL team…Clearly the Titans don’t feel that Vince is it given he had to have an psycho evaluation! And New England thought they had serious issues!

It’ll be interesting to see where the Titans go from here…We know that The Titans believe Young's injury is one that will keep him out anywhere from 2-4 weeks, handing the reigns over to Kerry Collins. And who would’ve ever thought that K.C. would be an upgrade…YOWZA! The interesting part will be when Young’s returns from his knee injury…There’s a possibility might not get his job back. Then what? Even if he’s healthy enough to return as the starting signal caller, does that mean Collins is out…All depends on his play in Young’s absence, that’s the easy call. The difficult call, which nobody knows including Mr. Crybaby-Headcase himself, is whether Young is interested in returning…Something he mentioned to those who were with him on Monday? That’s the 58-million dollar question that has no answer!

"What would you think, if you were tired of being ridiculed and persecuted and talked about and not being treated very well, what would you do? What kind of decision would you make?'' Felecia Young asked. "He may not want to deal with it (all), but you have to get to that point before you make that decision first."

I know one thing, that professional athletes need to be head strong…Something your boy isn’t if some simple booing that fans do all the time can put him in this kind of mental state! And if he does choose to walk away and buy a house in Mark McGwire’s subdivsion, that’s just another sign that he’s mentally weak…Showing us that people have gotten the best of him and made him give up his football career! Considering he’s uttered the following…

"I was never going to quit football,'' Young said. "Football, that is my pride and joy, it is my dream. I am playing my dream. And I don't plan on giving that up any time soon."

Just another example of VY not having the ability to be a man and stand on his own two feet as he’s having his momma speak to the media because he’s too busy trying to find his freaking head! What is this, the life-like version of Waterboy? Momma said…Momma said…Momma said

Well listening to what Momma said, looksy like the Titans have thought about it as they’ve blown up Chris Simms iphone. Quite simply because there’s no one home when it comes to Vince Young…That’s precisely why all phone calls were left unanswered!

Too YOUNG for His Own Good
It goes without saying that this whole Vince Young thing is puzzling to say the least. And since I’m not sure where to begin on this one, I’m going to let the Tennessean assist me…+

For whatever reason, Young appeared unwilling to take the field midway through the fourth quarter on Sunday afternoon following his second interception and a resulting in a cascade of boos from the fans at LP Field.

Eventually, he re-entered the game, only to suffer a knee injury four plays later.

My man Vince, only two picks…Damn, you know what Wrecks Grossman would give to only do that, do you? In all seriousness though, clearly there’s a major problem singing in the Music City. And simply put, Vince Young is a crybaby…There’s no way of getting around that fact. Everybody knows it, from teams, to players, to fans! Hell, it was even reported at the end of last year that Norm Chow said Young had a tendency to pout and likes to suck on pacifiers! Sure, we all joke around and call athletes crybabies now and again, but this one has true merit to it and unfortunately in the Titans case, well it’s no laughing matter! Not when Jeff Fisher and the rest of the team has to go into "damage control" mode and are guarded talking about Crybaby VY10 and all his issues because he can’t get the tears out of his eyes long enough to stand up for himself as real men do!

Having a third overall pick as your franchise quarterback who loves to pout and exhibit poor body language, (i.e. kicking and screaming) and throws a temper tantrum that of a 7-year old when shit isn’t going his way…Yeah, I’m thinking that’s not a recipe for success! Just a guess! When Titan fans are giving a standing ovation to Kerry Collins…Yeppers, there’s major issues in Honky Tonk Land! And to think peeps thought Dolly Parton’s rack was the biggest thing ever to be seen in Nashville.

Against the Jags on Sunday Young just showed that’s he’s definitely no smarter than a fifth grader…Showing us that he’s mentally weak! That when times are tough and everything’s going against you, well lets just quit and blame it on my knee! True, the may be a legitimate excuse, but it’s still an excuse! The fact of the matter is that quitting on a team because you got booed would be inexcusable…None of the "Dog ate my homework" reasons can do that justice!

Clearly though the issues with Crybaby 10 run deeper than this…Take a looksy at this picture last year during the Texans-Titans game when Young was injured, and how strange his sideline demeanor looked, and how separate he was from the rest of the team. Pictures never lie!! Not only that, but during this off-season there were rumors floating around that he had some intentions of walking away from the game of football, to which he put an end to by saying…

"I was never going to quit football,'' Young said. "Football, that is my pride and joy, it is my dream. I am playing my dream. And I don't plan on giving that up any time soon.''

Isn’t that interesting…Never going to quit football. Football is my pride and I am playing a dream…And don’t plan to give that up. Well then, what the hell happen this past Sunday, Vince? Everything you said there, you did the opposite against the Jags. What an outstanding franchise quarterback! Oh, I get it…That only applies when you’re not throwing interceptions, incomplete passes and a cascade of boos are raining down from Titan fans.

On the brighter side, the Titan marketing/game promotions team has just informed me that sometime during the course of the season, (Not sure what game yet) they’ll be passing out Vince Young pacifiers along with Vince Young handkerchiefs to dry your eyes and blow your honkers in. So as you can see, something good has come out of this drama!

For further coverage on the Crybaby Quarterback courtesy of The Tennesseean, well stick thick in your cakehole and start sucking on it.

The Texas/UTEP Game…Female Miners Digging for Gold
Not the most noteworthy game that was on the television slate last Saturday night, so if you weren’t turned on by it, don’t worry there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone! Although I will say that you definitely missed one of the all time great video clips of all time.

And just to make sure it didn’t go unnoticed ESPN announcer Bob Davie points out the significance of what you’re about to watch on the telestraight. Lets just say we love are women and football and well, this dudes woman certain knows what her man likes! There needs to be more like her…

Yes, in the words of Dennis Green, "You thought you saw what you thought you saw!" Kudos to Bob Davie for treating this like the 46-Wham play right up the gut! Surely this needs to make the UTEP recruiting video …Absolutely priceless!
Forget the making of the crazy signs and all that bull shit…Hell, the way to get on national television and show folks what college has thought you, just play a game of Stroke the Chicken! Damn, I miss the co-eds!

Notre Lame…The 2007 Season Revisited
Aww yes, the pigskins are flying again all over the country…The Thursday through Monday ritual has returned, sitting on the couch scratching and sniffing ourselves to no end, drinking at least a 12-pack or more, (depending on how bad our team is) all the while drowning out the nagging ball and chain who’s nagging our ass like a huge case of jock itch! Yes, ain’t life grand again!

Speaking of drowning our sorrows in a case of Milwaukee’s Best, my question is who had the most tears flowing down their ugly mugs this weekend…And which city got flooded out the most? South Bend, Indiana or the Greater Northeast? Both had great tragic events took place respectively, but which one was the most frightening? Well, since I give a shit about the New England Patriots, I give a rats ass that Tom Brady’s knee looking like a bowl of Shredded Wheat…Besides, he’s a Michigan man anyway! Must say that Daunte Culpepper would be proud though! Hey, I hear he’s looking for a job now…Hell, his “retirement” could be classified as another “graduation”. How proud would Junior Seau be of that?

Enough of that shit…While the Fighting Grey Cutoff Hoodies have their issues, in South Bend Charlie Weis has more concerns than the freaking United Nations! For nine months much has been documented about Notre Dame being that doormat of college football a year ago. All summer long the hopes in South Bend were like that of a team contending for a National Championship…Peeps picking the Irish to win 8, 9, maybe even 10 games. All this coming off their worst season in their long storied program…So honestly I questioned the optimism regarding the improvement under the Golden Dome hearing that shit would be different in 08!

Yeah, shit’s different alright…The only thing that’s different is that it is 08, not 07. Just the change of the digits, nothing more. Are you kidding me! A team that lost to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo Pattycake Playboy YCMA Waffle House Dairy Queen State just a week ago was within what was a late rally sparked by a fumble at the goalline of falling victim to losing to the mighty SDSU Aztecs. A game that Weis has had nine months to prepare for and all this supposedly great talent on the roster can only eke out a 21-13 victory…Awesome job! Fantastic!

Shit, it took “all everything Jimmy Clausen”, (the next Ron Paulus by the way) to go from most of the first three quarters throwing to non-existent receivers and/or Aztec defenders to the fourth quarter finally showing a little life with two final stanzas. Okay, okay, so he didn’t get sacked, and everybody wants to praise that, but Jimminy Christmas lets not kid ourselves and look at the obvious…This was an SDSU defense depleted by injuries, so when you have a bunch of pop-warner kids playing defense, um, hello, of course he’s not going to get touched! That’s what even makes this more alarming…The Aztecs weren’t playing with their B defense, it was more along the lines and combo of their H, I, J, K defense!

It’s interesting, sitting there watching this debacle scratching myself, (hey, gotta do something when you’re bored out of your freaking skull) the question I had is how long will Charlie Weis last? Will he last the season? Of course my question changed to that after ND won, but during the game I was trying to figure out if he’d last the entire postgame press conference!

Okay, I get a win, is a win, but if the Irish is about as good as SDSU, beating Michigan, Michigan State., Purdue, or North Carolina...Well, it’s not happening for sure. Pittsburgh, Washington, Syracuse, there’s hope for you guys…SC will be another massacre. Best case scenario right now appears to be 7-5. And that's stretching it, only if shit gets together. Which I don’t know why it would considering having nine months to prepare for the opener, and nothing has changed in that period of time!

Saturday’s game was shameful and disturbing. The only thing worse would have been if Weis’s Woefuls actually lost. For the second straight year, we look unprepared to play major college football with any semblance of competitiveness. And that's beyond sad.

GO IRISH!

Get Ready for Bradygate….
Randy Moss on the hit that made Tom Brady’s knee resembles a slice of Swiss chess: "To me, personally, it looked dirty to me," Moss told the Kansas City Star.

I find this to be very amusing indeed! Of course we all knew that this issue would be brought to the forefront, but is this the right guy to do it? Randy Moss is all of a sudden an arbitrator of what is clean and dirty? Give me a break!!!! Although I suppose he should know a thing or two about being bush league now shouldn’t he! You’re a regular good Samaritan and a cat who’s a team player too.

Look, if you want to go play powderpuff…Well then go ahead. Fact of the matter this ain’t powderpuff puff, pal! If this was any other player on New England this would be a non-issue. But since it’s the Golden Boy, everybody in New England, (including players) are still teary eyed over what happen in February in Arizona…Still suffering from that hangover, and now this. Oh man, my heart pumps piss for you guys! It really does!

It’s almost ironic that for the second year in a row…After the first game of the season, the Pats are getting all the headlines. Last season Spygate was shoved down our throats to no end and now we’ll be force fed this whole Bradygate bull shit given the fact that this organization is like the CIA when it comes to devolging injury status and reports. So this is the first week of many that Brady will be listed as week-to week…Pretty much we all know that’s how it’s going to play out, whether he Daunte Culpeppered the shit out of it or not.

Just goes to show you once again, cheaters never win! Good luck with Chris Simms or Tim Ratey…There’s a reason why they’re on the open market! Just the same as a single woman who’s oh let’s say 5’5, with long blonde hair, (or pick a color that floats your boat) who’s all natural…With just one slight problem! She’s tipping the scales at a mire oh, 270-275!

And on that note, I got to split…My phone is blowing up. Hark, why it’s Drew Bledsoe… “Hello Drew…Drew…Drew…Come man, you can stop laughing at anytime now!”

Knowshon Moreno May Be Coming to a Billboard Near You, Joey Harrington Style
You gotta love Heisman Campaigns…It seemingly has gone from an individual on field award of who’s the best player, to now which athletic department can drum up enough buzz with the best campaign. There’s no doubt Knowshon Moreno doesn’t need anymore pub that he’s already receiving…I mean, the boy is sick with a capital S. But after his 168 yards rushing with 3 TD's performance against Central Michigan on Saturday, Moreno has laid claim to being the frontrunner for the 30 pound paper weight courtesy of this ridiculousness…

Yeah Usain Bolt, where you at bro! That’s just sick, I say….Sick. You trying doing that in pads! Now for peeps out there who aren’t convinced, well that’s where the University of Georgia’s P.R. Department comes into play as you can see here. Look for them to take a page from the Oregon Duck Joey Harrington Heisman Campaign Playbook as they plaster this all over buildings across the nation!
Has arguably the potential of being one of the highest selling Fatheads of all time! So go stick that on your wall Lightning Bolt!!